blake uptin

alexandria music review   ok so i have somewhat of a decent history (and education) as a guitarist um coming here was special (i think they're a mom and pop which seems like it'd be a huge good thing) i started out with guitar center years ago (and listened to a lot of little pointers when i was growing up that probably helped a lot) but might've found being loyal here to be smart (i found a great brand of strings elixir that don't break easy but then another one i didn't know was ernie ball with the sponsors they have on the back of the package) some things i'll like would be like how there's different brands here (i think some i saw were godin alvarez oh and seagull) then i'd see like on musicians friend online (and seeing how easy it is to fall for other salesmen like guitar centers site) um coming in and catching up with the owner he's nice and has been here forever so that's encouraging (also as a free thinker i've found it can make sens...

 ok so here was a pretty good story i saw jakob dylan was posted to play ram's head live in baltimore maryland and i took the train there and walked from the train station there and saw him and it was a pretty good time also i didn't drink that night so thinking of other times when i was doing my drop out years at vcu and my brother who was living with my cousin in a townhouse they were renting going over there hitting a bowl and getting lectured getting used clothes that were fashionable from the great thrift store there scraping by in such a great fashion leather shoes um saucony's too um breaking the law drinking natural ice getting rides from friends places my parents spoiling me rotten caring and thoughtful gestures or times when things are on blast being stationed in georgia and passing my trainings to get my certificates before flying into germany to live there for a little while while having some insomnia and seeing deustchland my parents help them getting high rank...

 ok so basically it'd be like what appears to be the 'answer' is some famous person who basically there's all this great stuff about them being quite prolific but then what always appears to happen is there will then be some additional deal breaker detail i didn't know at first tom cruise i think it said his parents got divorced the same with mark wahlberg was what i heard so i want to believe i wanted to do my hobbies my passions um but then when i look at what people say is the leader for that then there will always be some issue with it that i didn't want to happen or even at times found it hard to believe so there's gary gygax he got divorced the dungeons and dragons guy there's tiger woods he went to rehab the championship winning golfer there's philip k dick the disabled scifi author he died of a stroke early um there's manuel ferrara he got married the french pornstar ok so i understand it's not easy to be successful but it doesn't...

 ok so to be reasonable i'm not like a super unhealthy guy it's just that i am now on a lot of drugs which are difficult on my body so how'd it happen um there's the 'cocktail' of drugs i am on and the side effects being hungry and getting fatter not wanting to end up like others i saw ok so my rationale was 'being american' that's sort of just the way it is um so being easy going and not fighting it doing stuff like having fastfood occasionally or driving my car instead of walking (and reasons for that too like not having the cops called on me) so the mental illness stuff um hearing voices and being loopy from the meds being sedated being drowsy um being on high doses and feeling like i could die in my sleep any day now is it covid is it poor health feeling like i could exhale and just die right there so being alone having supervision that help being moderated having my caregivers so and my military benefits the good side to everything um having fam...

 ok so times questioning my morality looking at for example to compare and contrast jack kerouac and clint eastwood both prolific though kerouac didn't live as long um so with that in mind what'll happen to me how far will i make it um my health issues being on more meds which further tax my system the side effects too being hungry and the weight i've put on and that as a 'best case scenario' instead of how i saw others basically i think return to duty get out and go back in again so how much control do i have over this there was when i thought i'd have healthy shakes a lot with vegetables and produce to be healthy but i sort of gave that up or another thing i'll do is walk to my parents for exercise that little bit of cardio a little effort put forth on my part um and later getting meds added to help with that metformin spironolactone lisinipril when there used to be the regular booze use being an alcoholic and maybe that adding up and taking it's toll ...

 ok so all those bohemian daydreams about lounging along (a bicycle ride over and having some tea publishing homemade content) and having a good time doing whatever yeah that got stopped dead with what was possibly a true warning that being that friendships would amount to a toilet issue that could've been avoided the way society is or how it'd happen having food and staying together then the dropping the deuce coming up so basically what all is there to do a movie a concert coffee a meal a club but then it's back to my house where i don't want to get 'nuked' um are people right or wrong about it but then again maybe back down and err on the side of caution don't risk it though i do currently have three toilets in my house all of which appear to mostly be working fine um or when i thought i'd have a like assistant helper friend um never saw anything come out of that too much my cousin quit over some details so having read stories and heard rumors um ther...

 i moved from my last house my parents helped me sell it and by the way i did mostly really well with that but at one point i thought that'd be where i'd stay forever um so now what um will i ever move again what's coming up in the future so i have the means to provide for myself i have my heart and integrity passion and dreams i have posted and shared um what'll be of the morrow what'll i turn into to continue with my hobbies for now coasting along well enough seeing the neighbors so making assumptions about that are they television watching 'couch potatoes' um are they retired and or disabled veterans um seeing the tax records people who've been there for about two decades or so that commitment and comparisons with that to me warnings so listening when someone says what can go wrong or maybe backing down to a threat before um is it worth it either way a little bit of 'to be or not to be' um seeing all those 'heroes' i had famous veteran...

 only interested in those 'domesticated' btw ok so here's a story having been in other peoples shoes before it'd be for example going to a college town and being some what transient another would be being stationed somewhere else in the military and not having any connections (and times i saw this work for others) so other details fine tuning everything maybe the being straight edge part (not wanting to be around substance abuse people in someways and different things i already sampled and passed by) or what's 'lawful' um what's logical and smart too making friends being available i have the world at my fingertips but have been outcast from the world to be ridiculed and despised too to think of hobbies and dreams passions to talk with artists to produce to make material to document and share another was what about taking pictures of strangers good outfits that but then again the story 'alx is not rva' being policed and again outcast so what i was...

 so all these crazy ideas the bohemian stuff um in reality it doesn't work so you can't do the 'crazy' stuff for long and even if you could it's probably not worth it like you could be way better off on ssdi then trying to go against the grain no i don't live like jerry seinfeld on the tv sitcom show where there's promiscuity no it's not like entourage with the hollywood glamor and the list of these going on for a while um no i'm not like tom brady who also not good was he got divorced i heard the great influences out there the celebrities with their personalities their biographies their appointments their charm so being aware and naive listening but too seeing and hearing of for example injuries that can pair with that rehab arrests etc being just an 'american' instead the foolish ideas are quickly eradicated and stamped out no more house parties no more blunts and bongs and bowls of cannabis um no more college undergrad drop out days all th...

 ok so having free time and using that on sources of joy to think of the bohemian entertainment that wild lifestyle um so to do projects and hobbies to have a zesty life to be spun around with the encapsulation of dreams and fantasies to truly be about entertainment writing story telling progressing the vision of a lit up day to appreciate it all and soak it all up the city streets what opportunities are out there strangers the yearly seasons the lazy haze and the stupor of prescription meds to be happy to be mad to be manic hunger and stupidity disability quenching the lust with safe practices to produce new material basing this on reality little samples and savored parts the blues lessons to be seeking some form of excitement the rush the joy the comfort to be free as a bird no worries no concerns it all taken care of to not quit though the censorship and bannings the whole day ahead of me and even further than that and too in some ways the future being a little unknown the myste...

 is it as bad as other disabilities i don't know but i have faced stigma before so some of it would be another story was there was a doctor i heard who had his patient agree to let him impregnate his wife and have him raise the kid in exchange for being treated and guarded so the powerless parts having to take the meds and try to follow the advice um the freedom but then the appointments the check up so other stuff different side effects it was complaints about too many boners then embarrassment about less long lasting erections um being aware i have a diagnosis though i take my meds as prescribed um the loopy side being aware i can need supervision or moderation or my caregiver a legitimate case um how it started with longterm insomnia and stress and previously maybe drugs so being watched being okay mostly completely normal though parts like medication addiction or dependence or the doses the issues paranoia hearing voices thinking telepathy is real masturbation um delusions bein...

 so i am sober i have a paycheck i own my own property i have a car that i make payments on my credit score is pretty good (and getting better) but then other stuff too like if i got married protecting myself with a prenuptial agreement so having that for safety i am a veteran i have a caregiver so that security longterm my future seems good enough um i have my parents nearby and we both can benefit from that symbiotically um i stay professional with hair cuts and have a service animal too a emotional support dog my great poodle  grover i am an american citizen um i have my military benefits i have insurance i can go on fort belvoir and shop at the commissary and the post exchange i am responsible i have lots of free time i am mature and serious i stay out of trouble i have my hobbies those can be entertaining to hear about my passions and my interests also i am a practicing catholic now i am charitable i go to mass every sunday i try to go to confession once a month i pray th...

 i have mostly all the free time in the world though there can be supervision and moderation with my caregivers my parents but it seems like there's lots of potential there in my two habitats luray and alexandria so being available anytime and what to do i have my car i have a paycheck but then too the stigma and ostracization from the communities different organizations exclusions being banned having complaints having the cops called one me but aside from that me being up for something getting a cup of coffee somewhere panera starbucks dunkin donuts chatting but then whose to host and what to do whose house to go to the park to go to being sober no substance abuse so there's old friends who will still pick up what about recording music together at a good volume what about other projects the hobbies there's making a movie there's watching someone play video games sort of um coming over to my house maybe watch something on tv or sit on the porch the whole day ahead so wh...

 ok so i'll be minding my business with my parents doing some shopping then these boys or after teen girls will make faces at me or try to pick on me when i was doing nothing to them and there's nothing i can really do about it i am not a fighter or going to sue and complaints and police are useless then there'd be the math i have done in my head before that balances it out so i'd just remember how expensive one plate of food is then think they'll have their come up ins more of that would be no one will pay you except for the military was a lesson for me why is your family so nosy about my personal life and additionally passive aggressively attacking me i was minding my own business i earned what i have and was accountable from there i don't find this humorous and am irritated then you with your own issues whether it's student loans or promiscuity and more unfairness people not being understanding to things i had to go through dealing with terrorism and stig...

 ok so after the public school system and other organizations there is not very much opportunity out there for meeting people you can't approach strangers like women in public a lesson learned is you'll get complaints and someone will call the cops so turning into a couch potato seeing others be foolish or seeing the safer better way so not risking trouble over stuff i quit skateboarding and longboarding um pseudo injuries out there so assimilating being uniform and blending in so having gone to the nightclubs and a lesson on that all you can really do is show up with a designated driver and pay the bartender to drink for the night then go home with a designated driver again and not really interact or socialize with anyone people can be mean and unfriendly trying to have a conversation in public with others and as stated to be met with complaints and as repeated someone will call the police so later seeing potential opportunities but not taking them based on being jaded and old...

 ok so being coddled a little bit and having little luxuries so there's fast food kfc's menu the fried chicken and other options um there's having a good pair of shoes on my feet there's my car being maintained and taken care of oil changes um good clothes old memories when it was growing out of my parents house and moving out that delicate phase before my first apartment or joining the army um looking for used clothes those times shopping who i could call to hang out with so getting my hair cut regularly getting my poodle his grooming taken care of all the little things to keep up with so there's being charitable donating to the poor box there's donating to the food drive there's being alone and happy that way for now um the future is unknown the car driving places parking and getting a order for here and enjoying each bite having moderation no cigs no booze no other troublesome vices no gambling really um so there's painting miniatures and all the hobb...

 so it is quite a trip so basically taking it for this the gambling effect (having tried slot machines before at national harbor in maryland at the mgm) and then some more um hallucinations (in my case celeb references) so mind mapping a future then later that actually unraveling in real time and being quite realistic and fun life like a cartoon um unlike living normal where it can be nothing changes and nothing happens at this table there can be opportunities for new changes and new fun um meeting new people starting a party a going on an adventure seeing what's out there to do so the food the playing rolling dice every little part on blast pooling money for delivery pizza um to think of growing your character getting strong more experience points and leveling up (different things dwarves humans elves dark elves companions) the genius of gary gygax and the cool resurgence with the release of 5th edition though some downsides gygax got divorced not wanting that so the game master t...

 ok so to not quit to not be spirit broken to not give in to still try to still do to make a way somehow um so the will to live the will to have a passion to safely continue on with projects or liveliness the reasonable goals and self productions for the creatives out there or other dreamers to continue doing your passion when there's a market or background for it to play guitar to run a business to make movies to paint miniatures to paint paintings to play piano to write to blog names like stan lee irwin winkler bill wyman ebenezer scrooge sam walton henry miller bob dylan (after the motorcycle accident story) laird hamilton to live freely to enjoy the bohemian stuff to even see the risks and the glory of earlier dead ones elvis kerouac brokie swayze the cool and smart releases with integrity genius productions shared and available accessible having some hope not believing it's all pointless and in vain to still do what you want to find time to write your autobiography to get ...

 so i've dealt with being poor before and it can hurt and be even a little depressing but at the same time there can be some fun in it and some odd round about of joy hidden in that the true appreciation for what you have and being ready for more how fun it can be i even remember when i was in debt my body almost went into shock trying to contemplate what i'd do i had this mania this high that i'd make it out and i even eventually did everything seemed to work out some how so not having what i want and having to make do with where i am to be even unhealthy and admire some different famous names to see parallels between the two of us (enjoying little tales of celebs their journeys and personal lives their adventure) and to figure out how to make it out of the current circumstances and into a dream state of glory to get creative to truly have a hunger to be out of it but then again other things to produce that effect the drugs in your system those leaving your body the other ...

 so i think one brand i later saw come out formally representing this idea was 'dgk' which stands for 'dirty ghetto kids' so the whole immaturity the whole realism and low within reach humor um people talking gobbledygook and making up tales another one would be the band fidlar which once stood for 'fuck it dog lifes a risk' i think they changed it later so some of that lifestyle back then alcohol weed cigarettes the substance abuse stuff from the other learned word social work different demographics races incomes families um the homemade videos people making skate tapes other media then the tony hawk pro skater video games the professional companies releases vans emerica enjoy almost osiris etnies other stuff trying to get sponsored the hooking up with babes storyline party nights dead end jobs the surf style the beach bum the air head the stoner stuff the buzzes and highs the cheap thrills black flag and some with tattoos parents and other adults influence the...

ok so in case you didn't know jerry seinfeld was booked for 4 showings over two nights at the anthem in dc a little while back it sold out and there was maybe one ticket being resold at i think two thousand dollars for just one seat so here's it the way of the renter do some people keep doing that for a while for different reasons ok so welcome to the guide to that for one a good idea could be using a real estate professional and another would be having insurance being able to travel so getting a hot lease a location to dream about terms that are agreeable and mutually beneficial for both parties so the adult world getting a place on your own having your space your privacy your fun and living your life and paying for what's in your bracket um so if it's not something your into how to get out of that circle of spending you can get extremist with your budget to build up money to buy a property you can get prequalified when you are ready and get a realtor to go house hunti...

 henry miller french expat said to have written the great american novel used stream of conciousness and poetic effects did tropic of cancer irwin winkler korean war veteran who started from the bottom in hollywood and made it to the top with producing did rocky jd salinger greatest generation veteran west point drop out said to have written the great american novel on the banned book list wrote the catcher in the rye became a hermit and avoided the public forever ernest hemingway army medic veteran lost generation alcoholic journalist wrote the great american novel known for the sun also rises and many more f scott fitzgerald married his wife zelda wrote the great american novel the great gatsby years of writing army veteran keith richards rolling stones guitarist british dealt with the law many times beat life sentences many times heroine addict wrote gimme shelter song franz kafka overseas name wrote a lot knut hamsun hm reference wrote the book hunger jordan peterson intellegen...

 ok so out of the many things i have spent money on i have found that i believe charity can be extremely rewarding and appreciated and i am thankful to be in a place where i have that capability in addition to that stupid pride with karma and giving i believe the sob stories i believe life can be unfair i when able (and making that possible with my own sacrifices and accountability see the generic brand too) believe that that will help me too to be loving and caring for the community the public my fellow brothers i remember when my family was poorer and life was tougher to get past that now so little things helping big time and that heart wrenching soft spot for the people who need it most (young parents making their way amish or those values of the business owners entrepreneurs) giving them a shot to do the right thing to not just be able to get to where i am ok but to look back and give others a chance an opportunity too to spread the joy thus far some donations i have made were ...

 ok so i am now where i have gotten 'out of the red' i can make my mortgage payments and other bills and have a little left over so should i just build up emergency savings (future car payments or property management bills) or what's there worth buying (clothes are just clothes shirts) um and now at a point where i am mostly free from addictions (no more crack head budgets) so what is worth sinking money into there's the moderation now and healthiness so a first thing that would come to mind is hobby supplies that rabbit hole to go down to get resources to use and a story of that was it's 'a big waste of time' um to have room and collect things to build a portfolio and accumulate projects with time storing that so then other stuff that comes to mind blowing money on food but being mindful of that too to get groceries instead of other places or to get fast food occasionally within reason um snacks and being a little bit of a foodie that thrill to use the air ...

 ok so basically here would be some of it documenting things and uploading them so also there's which sites to use to share content so some of that would fall under the web of the name 'social media' and too having connections to participate with use your smartphone text people and use the wifi to save money on that send picture messages there's facebook if it'll work at all adding friends and staying in touch planning an event or another would be meetup for posting to your group there's other sites linkedin blogger studiobinder google livejournal with those stay involved do some updates keep in touch with others reread your material get better at what you do study there's even research you can do online to learn more so share content you can get on youtube and post videos so to start you can try recording a family activity a barbeque and then edit it and post it where you can see that you can get views of your content enjoy the exhibition be a pseudo intern...

 ok so how did i come out after my brief explosive journey into the use of some illegal drugs well as was promised and said promises kept i basically now really have nothing to worry about i listened to people and followed the steps to now being retired i in college was groomed as a tasteful entertainer business person who had my own accountability for my independence everyone was extremely generous and kind to me i was always given the extra umph of over the top fun it was always 'one better' like spinal tap 'this one goes up to eleven' um i mostly never had any of the risks or stresses associated with it i wouldn't be 'holding weight' or 'breaking it down' i'd just pay top dollar cash and get to have fun and afterwards i got in and out left clean and now had help with some 'straight edge' names like ian mackaye of fugazi so i'd think of though if there was an offensive of vulgar part the counter to it like that's the business me...

 so here is a quick lesson you are being a professional guitarist sort of full time living on ssdi then you think if i slip once there's many competitors who will be right there ready and waiting to take my spot so i can't afford to lose focus on what i am producing another story was a i watched an interview with the french male porn star manuel ferrara and in there basically an answer from him was 'you can't play world of warcraft and be a sex addict' so like it not working because of the different focuses and prepping on it using all your mind and attention on something and needing to know what you are doing so the crazy talk of how those things can come back to help um a story was seeing at the mgm national harbor at the shake shack dine in section what looked like some full time gamblers taking a break there eyes there strung out high sort of enjoying the way they radiated was it the slot machines which one was it and the hot perfect foods on break um so which e...