blake uptin

 ok so here was i believe an original concept from me that honestly may have rolled out at one point from times smoking what was called cannabis but later hearing it could be mix ups over that meth cocaine um spice so anyways here's it so i'd like see what's going to happen next like some of that being older people and details about them so one of those was like i think the military was sort of pointlessly sending people to become amputees under husain obama so i say i don't want to do that then i think my coworkers cover for me and start to metaphorically put me in the hole later the big one is the neighborhood home owners so those details service animal sodomized alcoholic hearing aids middle class check those boxes um so preserving my own life it'd be like i don't really want to die that early so it'd be like aiming at my future um later there was a movie that sort of showed a action packed male hero version of it that i somewhat enjoyed it was looper wit...

 concert picks which is better longer life or the 'vibrancy' so some of this to fast foward to one of the 'juicy' parts there was a guy i saw posted to play where i read the word salad of his name macanalally or something as 'anal ally' um yeah (like sodomy) so that's out there while later there's like a elvis presley impersonator and getting swooped up in the movements so some of this um it'd be like you get on the computer start sort of scheduling so it's seeing what's coming up in the month for how many i am allowed to do partially based on my budget (also being timely with shows selling out) so what i remember was there'd be the venues capital one arena rock and roll hotel black cat 930 club the lincoln theatre little theatre of alexandria shakespeare theatre um the birchmere o'shaughnessy's um so i think that's most of them um i'd see like each one and compare and contrast read between the lines like seeing trouble wi...

 so some of this would be the 'look at me look at me' then i get ready like i get a camera or camcorder or i draft a manuscript then 'what are you doing stop' then back to 'look at me i'm (which ever emoji adjective)' but then again my volunteering of the hobby (free collaborations) though i have seen others who seemed to have done the same of the not full time professional (having some gear and their precursor to my reality like you'll get cornered and quit again or being dejected from doctors appointments the psychiatry) so it's like stop wasting my time this is annoying now the first time it's like should i support this persons ego or should i focus on myself so then it is was there any progress then the great finale the whole story was summed up with someone having to take a big poop at your house and then if the appointments are repeated you are in need of a plumber or big repair for your excursion making 'kid porn' if they're yo...

 so i remember when i was younger like the public school years a little maybe police power was that i couldn't produce or maybe professionally do hobbies one reason being i'd be made an example and punished like one guy who got a full body suit of tattoos so seeing how many 'child stars' got dead ended in their careers one role and never anything else ever again um to be ruined over some against the leadership entertainment the school system the political system so based on today um could i have done more skateboarding videos in middle school early poetic writings um stuff that just got disposed of my vcu flip phone photography access to art supplies and productions um so many things to document but the society being excluded and not taken serious or malicious intent so those years gone and other parts the 'illegal' drugs that later changed um unknown enemies following me um

 so what seems to have been somewhat of a big reoccurring part of my life was dealing with adversity or in other words people being an ahole to me for what seems like no reason like i'll be at dinner with my parents then someone starts talking at me being nosey being mean (the many jokes about when i thought i had a life sentence headed my way) with insults and getting in my personal life (many people do this one like i'm some criminal villain) yet there's nothing that stops this (and also unkept rules money being the answer then others hypocrisies) and then my lesson was the 'healthcare' is to be molested by black men in the hospital so what's next i don't know but please stop messing with me please stop bothering me please don't be annoying it's like i work in an ice cream shop and customers want to try to screw with me (changing orders flaunting money wasting my time making complaints more i forgot) or i am incoherently told to go in the military ...

 i'm not laughing and you do realize if you did this to someone other than me in real life they'd call the cops on you and have you temporarily institutionalized like the jail or the hospital maybe even court too like you don't go to taco bell then screw with the cashier being 'called' so i remember requests and my interest too with projects i'd do to the point of mental illness (hearing voices) so here'd be a little issue it'd be a request followed by the order changed followed by then a complete cancellation having wasted my time and energy and then more poor treatment so it'd be like what's there to listen to then coming up with original material then being dealing with someone with pseudo attention deficit disorder then being told to stop and not ever having really gotten paid or treated nice with more shortcuts and disrespect like you want the rolling stones but then all types of complaints or unkept agreements and then essentially treating ...

so here's what happened i was going to the black cat i sort of thought i'd like try to build rapport with the people there but i was not only going there there were all the good dc clubs i'd go to for music so maybe it was some previous trajectory like thinking i'd be in the entertainment industry that i later learned was a gay and jewish dominated industry so also i had this fear that if i stayed at my house in alexandria cops would come in the night to sort of arrest me which that didn't happen so what happens is i know a bartender al and one night he's saying are you going to go to the doa show i think this may have been also before it was officially announced on the website so i say he's probably looked out for me before this sounds ok i'll try this out so the night comes of the doa show and i show up on time um had some drinks usual night so what happens was i notice the guy has black tattoos not colored if i remember right but so he has this song t...

 so me as a candidate to have friends and booty calls so to speak or people to be around um one lesson i learned a little quick was my budget some of that was like in some ways i couldn't really afford to go get the caffeinated drinks from the shops like star bucks or dunkin donuts (maybe if i adjusted my budget it'd be more possible like not doing the entertainment though maybe intelligently liking that stimulation and opportunity more) so there's little 'retiree' differences i have somewhat of ample amounts of time but then the financial budgets on stuff so other parts my slight ed or um my somewhat va dependency (and seeing others powers over me or their control or manipulation) um not being a complete free spirit (like some heroes i had um being 'lawful' obeying the rules) though one thing i was saying was how it seemed dangerous for people out there stuff like drugs debt um the difficulties of being an adult paying for everything and finding a way to do...

 a good memory so when i was at my bucknell house there was when i'd spend my nights throughout the month at a few live music bar events (where i thought that'd help my future fun life) then there'd be stuff like the cleaners cleaning my house or my bout with alcoholism so i'd walk to the top of the hill to get a forty of malt liquor from seven eleven or i'd have the excitement and lens on the am vets thrift store so i'd drive there and pick up some stuff to bring home delving through their offerings um there'd be my bed and looking out the window in the drive way where my my hardtop 2 door coupe mini cooper was um all those projects i made my videos and stuff so the excitement back then when it slowly came to an end and luray became a option that fun window to make it into that was followed through with so it was the different seasons of that less than 10yrs at cavalier drive so winter costco bagels chicken fettucini frozen food summer and longboarding the ...

so here's the basic summary i heard and saw what i believe to be a factual warning and that is that if you continue with the hobbies there is potential for injury and me not wanting to get any injury and even that as a metaphor like a huge one that traumatized me was incarceration when i had that happen before my court date another being maybe 'incorrect' momentum and not being able to stop other stuff that can go wrong drugs or keeping my mil benefits um so the full run down (what i thought could go wrong) guitar loving keith richards of the rolling stones but later details that i wouldn't want legal trouble his parents divorce so as a musician even warnings of pseudo homelessness piano another was avoiding tattoos however stuff like that happens to people video complaints not wanting to deal with police or courts writing a pen name blogging being trolled being slandered painting staying disabled miniatures not gaming or gambling so basically i'd think like yeah i ...

 so there will be times when i see something for sale and decide not to get it for reasons like in the past when i was generous everything ending badly or the basic logic that i'd rather save my money and have my money for other stuff like if there is an emergency a little thought was needing 10k on hand in case i have to pay a lawyer to represent me and keep me from being incarcerated so the decision to decide what to do with the money um being miserly and staying out of the red always focusing on the money and the future what to prep for with the money there can be different things that are shown and taking time to decide if something is worth it or not with the money there can be not having regret or 'buyer's remorse' so having some savings

ok so here's what happened i was hanging out with my cousin and another guy it was william and wyatt so around this time i was still drinking alcohol (where for a while i was busy with making it to events) so there was that wild card but i'd seen there was an open mic night posted in old town and finally i was available to participate so what happened was first off i concluded that i wasn't going to be a professional musician for lots of reasons like not leaving my family stranded (or being trapped that way) or seeing other ways better off so what happened was i'd played there a few times not too many yet (i even got some on video) but so on this night william and wyatt left i think what they'd done was gone off to go smoke in private so i am at my house alone and waiting then eventually they get there and we leave to go head off to the bar where the open mic is so we get there at midnight i don't get to 'headline' because it's already full so i don...

 so here's where i'll pick up my friend and dealer (notice how those can get the lines blurred on) so we're driving in his small suv (he's on the school basketball team and gets around with extracurriculars and later got into a accredited univ east carolina pirates) um he is dropping off measured big bags of weed to different people all throughout northern va (i am riding along and getting a little smoking along the way but the price being firm) i think woodbridge was where we were at at one point (him knowing his way around the town um getting older and him driving) another was west end alexandria where the skatepark was (over before the mall that got torn down landmark) so some of it would be seeing the world through his eyes um him making cash off that (and using that to pay for stuff clothes gas food etc) and our young age we were in high school (back then when that 70s show was on cable and i'd watch that eric donna kelso fez hyde jackie etc) one time he approa...

 so one book i never read but i think i looked up a wikipedia summary of that i was very entertained with was the subterraneans so liking the free spirits the townies the fun and for a while enjoying the beatnik writer jack kerouac friend of allen ginsberg so it was like maybe in some ways a 'second childhood' so hanging out with friends as you get older and life being fun so some of his legend i was stumped and redirected about like him renting or hoboing hitch hiking um using drugs some things i couldn't do but to me it was like this fun name that never really gave up and quit or stopped it just kept going so like the hero in him um being a poetic writer drinking partying socializing and producing being a writer being published so that wild life having been a veteran having left the military um his marriage(s) but what's the correct biography um what's true and what's rumor so understanding it did he deal with the veterans affairs like appointments um the life...

 so seeing others or hearing stories of others troubles and not wanting that to come my way but maybe that's just more pointless anxiety and worrying um is it possible to keep producing safely or is it trouble on the way um so some examples i liked skateboarding but i saw things happen that later i sort of figured how i understood that happening things like tattoos (tony now now has one) jail (saw that in a video game) broken bones (a am skater i heard of had that happen) not wanting any of those um so more of that the 'sterility' um no vices no gambling gaming no sex instead masturbation no drugs or substance abuse following the veterans affairs on protocol so quitting no more hobbies no skating no longboarding no guitar no piano no writing no blogging no videos no photos no reviews no miniatures no painting instead something like cable all day or other sources of entertainment hair cuts and tics lately i like drinking milk there was a summer where i liked eggs

 so what's the draw and allure to the 1960s british guitarist keith r um maybe at one point i thought his life's work was saintly a good voice and good person the masturbation logic i was enthralled with his biography life um i saw them live and was blown away and when that happened another bonus was it was affiliated with the lifetime alliance for income so one part i was into was exile on main street the relocation to niece france and continuing of the rolling stones the details him lounging at his pad and them recording a new album so when i moved to luray and my big house and my recordings i did um so him beating court cases literally tried with a life sentence but doing the impossible and winning and living his own way that integrity and charm um when he moved to africa the affect of his heroine use that habit forever through the years the coolness to his expertise studying rock and roll r&b blues rhythm and blues black music meeting his heroes so there's chuck ber...

 so taking things really far seems to be an extreme that showcases that beauty (finding out what's at the bottom) so here's what i remember i was almost officially dropped out of school for academic suspension and along that way i was suggested this name to read (slight similar background like being a poet and being drunk and not finishing university) and i got access to some of his work here and there the public library mostly (line by line entertained with his view) but so who is he um where was i guess one summary is he was a homeless drunk poet (though that's something i avoided was complete homelessness i got too scared and ran off into joining the us army during obama my enlistment and getting out of trouble paying my student loan) and that was when i was getting awfully close to the edge so i could barely afford my apartment which had what stuff i brought with me to school outfits and the constant getting new clothes from used stores the rockstar ways um my laptop wh...

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an nco is a non commissioned officer in the army it just means they gained rank and did not go to accredited schooling necessarily (as opposed to lieutenants along that different side) so other ways of training and progressing  so how to teach yourself or acquire training on skills such as practicing an interests or improving at other tasks so to begin there's ways like going to the library to research a topic other ways using online search engines to find out more about what you're into so some topics i taught myself that you too can learn each with some methods of educating yourself the hobbies others out there too magic cooking um gaming business guitar play along to vinyl records um force yourself to sing and record it go to concerts read books about it try jamming with others you know piano develop the muscle memory and fluidity talk with the music store find heroes and try to see them producing learn from others read about it fund your projects share content find the b...

 ok so some parts like instantly horrible things can happen that are irreversible in real time a little bit of a story for me was going to the bar then people making faces at me to show like if you don't do this then i pretty much guarantee this bad outcome will happen this quick then in five seconds that person shows up showing that exact story note for note so that story um basically being cared for and taken care of like anyone could get in a bad spot easily over some of this stuff but having that crutch and assistance (avoiding things i saw others do be overweight and semi suicidal and stigmatized and stranded sort of alone walking the plank) like i have my parents so being shown the right way through reality like some of this stuff not changing and having to deal with it because that's life so other things like lawfulness or your terms and 'nonnegotiables' like when i'd see neighbors and guess things about them did that guy not listen to the dentist and not get...

 welcome to my online cafe enjoy yourself have a snack and maybe pair that with something like tea or coffee while being online so there's posting and activity having a good time with what can be accessed online the sites to go to and the things to do so hi um let's see there's my pad where i have a few locations (city and country) so some essentials a caffeine source um somewhat walkable spot (being near shopping centers and in town spots) and being near my parents with their help (staying out of trouble and being monitored too) so what to do um being on the internet the vibe of school (full classrooms extracurricular activities a sense of purpose) so the campuses interactive maps and rpg stuff the dialogue options being near the residential quarters coed lands and opportunities and then the whole city so a nearby common ground which stores to shop at or to stay on the computer life going on around here as we enter the future so staying in touch with people open forums tex...

what's there really to do an analysis and overview of my day so there's the meal to look forward to ordering something to eat and that thrill and high then there's being on the computer so what websites to peruse so staying out of trouble or unallowed things no gambling really um no drugs or substance abuse no alcohol or smoking and sort of no sex occasional masturbation so what's there left to do um so accounting for what there was that used to work somewhat no more longboarding no more skateboarding guitar cassette tapes seem alright for now (and a keyboard) um painting artwork seems ok maybe caution over painting miniatures not as much blogging (no livejournal no tumblr and others no youtube no instagram) not taking pictures all the time maybe private photos or movies what social media sites still work private setting on twitter not really any more facebook for years and didn't delve into nextdoor the new one so the life of a hermit there's groceries to get t...