blake uptin

 You waste so much of your time harassing me. It doesn't even do anything for either one of us. To quote Budha being angry at someone with the intent of getting back is like holding a hot coal with the intent to throw it at them in the end only you get burned. I am still me even after you try ruining my life. We both could be doing something better than having you stalk me. I didn't do anything to deserve your negativity. Can't you leave me alone? You'll lose this one. In addition to losing this won you'll have lost time. And energy. It's not worth it to keep trying to attack me. Sure you can get away with it from the police but karma will catch up to you. When you do this someone sees it and reports it. It is not in your jurisdiction to lash out on me. I have explanations. I am not your Prisoner of War. Please stop conspiring against me it only hurts you.

 It seems the two party system always has a response to counter the opposing party. Take Obama's judges stopping Trump's orders from happening. So in some ways I have won over others. I paid my student loan off and they didn't. I have a %100 rating from the VA. That means I was %100 correct. So with that in mind there's been countless times I've went against the masses and been proven right. Look at my track record with my court plea deals. I have been made political enemy. But just because I am misunderstood doesn't mean I am incorrect. Look at all Epstein stuff that he got stopped for. But then again did his suicide do anything to stop that from happening anymore? I have been persecuted. I have came back to be shown as the victor. I voted for John Mccain the former Prisoner of War. You can't just punish me just because you disagree with me I am entitled to my opinion I will overcome.

 In my doctors office there is something I am a little confused with. There's baseball wall art. To explain myself I was in Germany. From what I remember there is no baseball in Germany. I spent maybe less than a year in Deustchland. This was a pivotal age for me because I was at the end of my college years. There are so many people who don't seem to understand that there are different places in the world. Germany is not Bucknell Virginia EG. I was exposed to different regions and cultures. It is not the same everywhere you go. In Germany there was the holocaust (though that isn't around anymore). I tried assimilating to where ever I went. Now I masturbate when the opportunity comes again. At one point overseas I went maybe over a year without jacking off. The traditions overseas are not the same as Americans. For example hearing Americans were fat lazy and stupid.

 Here is another one people were ignorant about. So I have heard rumors about me before. Pedophile and gang member I can explain both but one at a time. Virginia is home to the right to form a militia. I was on the outskirts of 29. In public school rich kids got jumped before. I had protection from 29 before. 29 was a skateboard video militia. The most I did was get decent at skateboarding. In Virginia there is colonial history that hasn't changed. For example interracial is something that can come back in too. My friends from 29 gave me advice before that I listened too. I got to graduate public school with no issues. I didn't do any crime aside from smoking weed but again that's another one people don't understand. There's many thing I did that you don't understand that are interllectual. Look at the favors in secret societies.

 Peoples literacy is extremely poor. Trust me I know. I bought books I never read many times. But hear me out okay? So you haven't exerted the effort to watch a 2 hour Christmas Carol play. Basically in my opinion it deals with being in reality. Before you ostracize me about your unpaid debts listen. I am not some high school graduate literary aspire.  Rather I am someone who heeded warnings. So I am rewarded with drugs and healthcare for telling the truth. You can try to not pay but at the end of the day that's reality. It's like arguing with a bank teller it doesn't change anything. My intent is not to be a intentionally misunderstood mean old man. Nor was I trying to be greedy. Rather my lesson was if I didn't pay I'd basically get sent to jail or suicide. Thus I take my money seriously.

I heard how relationships wouldn't work and heeded the warnings. To give some issues like race or financial security or age. So did I have children overseas? When things were difficult to get everything to line up. See how white women can be the accepted norm. But then they are gamed and can be ruined in the process. Or preferring not to get divorced and thus not getting married. There is no insurance in a relationship. What if the kid isn't yours? What if she takes your house away? I tried not neglecting my parents. Other issues like bosses having power over you or others too (doctor) or erection issues. How can you pay your bills and start a family? What if she cheats on you? See the problems with white women. That can carry over to other races too like citizenship or assimilation too.

 Basically comparing my reproduction to that of the dogs. Little pups growing up. Them having to fend for themselves. Be able to survive and age well. Maybe we should all be like dogs. We need a place to poop. Are mamma can help a lot. We are companions with our masters and families. To be detached and independent. To have loyalty to our adopted owners. To continue to spawn and have next generations of dogs. To be able to get by with the bare minimum. Dogs have stuck by my side at many times in my life. One of my first jobs was walking service dogs. Those would teach me good decisions and things to be done. Service dogs are trained by prisoners or priests.

 For me the music has mostly stopped. Are the rock bands becoming antiquated like the brass? You don't really see anymore of Duke Ellington or those instruments anymore. No more jazz the trumpets trumbones saxophones etc. Additionally afterwards it can seem like the hero is a fool. The singer can seem like an idiot. Maybe it's a mixed bag. A noble cause to pursue but many holes in their stories can emerge. There aren't really any groups like the Beatles anymore. The stuff these days just seems residual and derivative from the past big names. No more Rolling Stones. And those original rock bands are going to be dead soon. Is that era ending? Will it be a new genre I didn't know about that surfaces? It seems like people don't play their instruments as much anymore. Is this a dying pastime that's fading out?

 The pizzaz seems to be gone. Anyone remember how crazy an Ipod was as a teenager? Maybe though it could've been all the weed back then. The technology doesn't seem as tailored for me anymore. It was crazy getting invited to play someones xbox 360. Now things seem a little boring. Maybe it's the sterility of not doing drugs anymore. Previously pairing weed with things as a teenager was insane. There's nostalgia for things past. There's markets for old vintage products. There's being stuck in a generation. To have arrested development for a certain age. No I am too old or other reasons things don't work as well. Not having any time to do these things. It's not like it used to be. What changed between then and now?

 The poor 'moves' are outlawed. It seems everything comes down to how much you are worth. Then there's the effect of presidential trends if they aren't blocked by opposing parties. What can you really pull off on your budget? Even if you center around saving money it still can seem foolish at times. Maybe that's the conventional lifestyle of the modern middle class. You can buy clothes and pay bills. With your American Cost of Living Allowance (COLA) it may seem there's only so much you can really achieve within your pay grade. But again does that come back to military affiliation? Or instead does it come back to Scrooge? And of course you can't forget disability too? So is that higher wage earning category negated by the neutralizing effect of Charles Dickens? To basically be cash only. To have a story that checks out a diagnosis and a rating. To have a valid point that everyone can accept. Is it not worth it to try anymore?

 Do not kill yourself. I am here to help. I have been there. You are probably dealing with 'death by grossness' and there is help here. Face the music you might be poor and there's terms for types of homelessness and dealing with unemployment. But there are people who can help. Stay with me and see the answers. There are many people who have faced the same issues as you and made it through. Maybe a case worker can help. Or maybe I can. So address the scary things in your life. Bills spiraling out of control well you can file bankruptcy.  Don't let others steal your joy or squash your life out. You can make it. For example look at the zillions of guitarists who've been modestly successful. There is a way and it can begin with accessing your problems and answers you don't have to die.

Why are you acting like I am embarrassing for being around my parents? Shouldn't I be thankful I am not an orphan? Without me couldn't my parents be in a bleak even suicidal scenario? Shouldn't I instead be commended for thinking of my parents like the Obamacare that was promised (but never arrived). What's wrong with helping my parents? What's wrong with caring about the people that raised me? Shouldn't we all fulfill that obligation to our parents? I am gracious for having married parents. I am thankful my parents are alive and well. I work to continue that positive effect. I go everywhere with my parents. I eat all my meals with my parents. Shouldn't the families stick together? Shouldn't you think of them when they are old like they thought of you when you were young and for your whole life? Isn't it good to feel appreciated by your parents and be able to reciprocate their years of generosity? I am not ashamed to be around my parents in public.

 Wake up. You didn't get to go to college and it's all ending now. The party stopped a few years ago. Now it's time to decide what you want to do with your life. And if you did and do go to university what's the point? You'll never pay off your loan. You didn't actually learn anything. The degree doesn't essentially achieve anything. Is my point to be negative or realistic? No rather to save you the pain and suffering that is incoming fast. Maybe I was lucky and not everyone can do what I did. But still what's your plan from here on out? You are wasting both of our time. You are not listening to my good advice or utilizing my wealth of experience and knowledge. How many people have I seen screwed over from bad choices? You should've listened to me about at least a decade ago.

 I listened to messages I thought were from Senator Grassley about politics. I heard how relationships could get turned inside out over the two party system. I heard how the Democrats could lie or string you along for life with little to no actual rewards. I heeded the warning that you could lose your party affiliation over hobby interests. I heard the advice and stuck with it. Thus far I have been a lifelong Republican. Romney Mccain Trump. I even got word not to vote in the Biden election and actually did a write in for my parents. There's benefits to sticking to my party too. I've heard of political gifts. Yet despite being Republican I don't follow up on their talking points or spreading their agenda. Sure there's been plenty of times I was disqualified because I am right wing. For kids about to vote in their first election now is the time to make the choice. One or the other. Left or Right. And to understand the weight of this decision because you can lose over cha...

 Some of the best sex I had was probably when I was asleep. Was that a Hail Mary to just call it a night? To let the women do what they wanted if they wanted? To listen to Bobby Darin with Dream Lover. I didn't even have to do anything. Not to point fingers at the list of women who may have done this. But is that a logical explanation to the pregnancy of mother Mary? To respect women and thus be rewarded. I wanted to have sex. Yes plenty of times. But there was always reasons not to or reasons it couldn't be done. Yet somehow I think women may have reproduced with me before and without problems. I went to different places and saw different women. I stayed in my parents house. I went over seas. Yet all these many times I think women have stepped up to the plate and knocked me out of the park so to speak. I am a practicing Catholic and may have been taken care of for that.

 I couldn't have sex then but now can I? Back then there were lots of problems and barriers. Now are things different? Or are there still on going problems to be weary of? When I was younger I was afraid of garnishments. Other stuff parents permissions. Not wanting divorce. But now is it more accessible for all of us? I have a car and a house. I have a paycheck. I am retired and disabled and have free time. With the current circumstances am I a better candidate? I am near my parents and value their inputs. I am not a teen ager anymore. I am not in the Army anymore. I am not at College anymore. Didn't I make progress with being ready for sex?

 In my attempt to help others before I have been made a fool of. Being disrespected. Being used. Previously I outweighed the mission of helping others over my own dignity and self image. People tried to intentionally misunderstand me. People tried to hurt me. But I made a foot print on progressing with the right lessons. After all was it not worth it to try helping others due to being made a fool of in the process? When others wanted to have the college vibe. When others wanted to know about the military. When I used to run and others made faces at me and I responded while outside. When I thought of issues others kids might face whether that interracial relationships or weed introductions or the thoughts of college. I didn't get paid to give you my free lessons with hard work and care. I didn't get treated like a human being while showing things I learned. I didn't get anything for selflessly giving my time and energy to others. Now I am out of the system and still doing wh...

 My dad said I wasn't that good of a musician. In hindsight I think it could be a good idea to listen to him. Rather than fight him or dispute this he probably does have a good point. How many people could do the same thing as me? By the time I was that good I've heard it wouldn't matter any more. Reasons like then that's all you can do. So letting go and taking breaks from hobbies before. To keep my priorities straight. I value my dad and his insight and life more than proving a point. And as stated I could be wrong. How many times did I see these people and maybe pass a little bit of judgement? I made some releases before and stopped before it got out of control. How many others have made that same mistake? To think they are that good only to find out they aren't. Or to spend your life trying to be something that's out of reach. Actually I said 'anything you do there's someone whose better than you at that' so keeping that in mind.

 I have been doing what I was supposed to for my entire life. Every single time I was doing what I was supposed to. And for the times you think not well I can explain. See the rationale for weed smoking. When I was doing underage drinking little did I know that later I'd have a pseudo job in nightlife. When I went AWOL I made it back to my family and we did okay. When I was with different women see that explanation like Middle March where the relationships and problems and deficiencies. When I smoked weed there was many people who that was their medicine and they needed an advocate and assistance with their pastime.  I have never been an evil person. I have never had plans of hurting others. In fact the opposite is true I have thought of helping my fellow men and women and trans too. Sometimes when things are happening there is no time to explain those things. I have broken rules before. But remember the Catholics teaching on that with forgive us our trespasses. When I failed ...

 My units nickname in Germany was the cable dogs. So if you're wondering why I do what I am supposed to selflessly I can explain. I don't have a choice but to do what I am supposed to. And I can seem to get rewarded for that. For good behavior I can get rewarded. There can be a pay off for doing what I am supposed to. I was a selfless soldier and tried to help my comrades. Maybe there were times I went through where at the end of the line things came together and were worth it. Doing good things and good things happen. By starting the momentum of positivity it can further spread. There were times I was made a fool of but I thought higher of the objectives like helping others. I put others needs and wants at a high thought to share with others. Doing this seemed to be mandatory for me. I had to not only not leave anyone behind but also help train and teach my peers. To this day I am selfless like sharing inputs on surveys to get better insights for our shopping experiences. My m...

 Spilling the beans I suspect black women may have had my babies before. And thus my sense of somewhat of belonging with the black community. To be entertained by their comedy and intellect. To be welcomed to the world of the African Americans. There were different parts of my life I was exposed to this. I thought I made some temporary friends in the DC nightlife scene. I've seen the black characters be very strong and useful. Also there was my friendship with Sgt Wilson. I felt like I belonged with them at times. But immediately checking that with a story of what happened to my uncle. Maybe I was mistaken with my brotherhood with the blacks? Another was when I was blown away by Keith Richard's stories of being a good person and hero at that. The black peoples jokes could be hilarious. The being pampered like they actually were former slaves was another thing. But also their childlike innocence or their heroism before too. I thought these babies that may have been born may have...