blake uptin

 There's a lot of nosey people who want updates on what I am doing. Former lovers the government conspirators people I didn't know were my enemies. So anyways I am an open book and anything I do the 'they' can be people trying to ruin anything and everything from me in addition to the previous complaints or stigma and slander. Anyways one response could be the Chuck Berry method and be like a duck and just let it roll off me or was that Emilio Estevez in the Mighty Ducks? So maybe old flames blocking me from starting a family because maybe there were babies born. It's been a while so those would be older now. Not to be arrogant or to boast and brag. But then the drag down of the government well I could be charming and peaceful and understanding about that too. No use being negative it's not going to do anything and it hurts for no reason. So this wouldn't be the first time that I was under surveillance. Remember wire taps on my Verizon flip phone at college?...

 I am basically drained after my weekday routines. So I have been going to weekday mass and showing up early (being just me and the priest before the couple who get paid even show up and I don't get paid) and praying the rosary. It is melting my brain and costs me so much time and energy unpaid. Was this because someone accused me of divorce well how if I never ever got married? So trying to muster my strength and stay productive to have new material. So one reason was thinking the priest could black mail me and my family or cause a divorce so not testing his warning on that. So 5 decades plus start and finish. Afterwards I don't feel like cleaning my house or doing my hobbies. Then after that every second I have is basically spent with my parents. Revolving around them for our next meal in addition to riding along on errands. Then there's the weekly commutes and overnighting. Plus my cleaning job and other odds and ends I did like weed whacking our houses. So being exposed...

 So not getting misled about thinking about my VCU experience (people [the alexandria blue collar circuits people my brother uses on rentals and others he smokes with plumbers mechanics landlords children former vcu colleagues I passed paths with etc people who seem to definitively say where things stop at or what's possible in reality] could try to trick me or upset me like I got ripped off or parts I missed out on (not doing sex but maybe everything later coming out would that have made me at risk for an IED victim) or how it wasn't worth it). So one part was were my babies born (I can count on several occasions I thought that happened [more was things that got to me from VCU gifts custom things specials?] and more not just at VCU Germany Spain France Georgia etc) and if so doesn't that make the enlistment bonus money to pay off my loan immediately worth it all the way (for years I had reasoned out EG starting a family for reasons like not wanting to get divorced see hear...

 So there's some doubt. What if I never had kids? More would be it seems that that opportunity keeps passing me by. No one will let me in or give me a chance. Then all by myself it is back to miserly Scrooge as the only answer that will work. So my lesson trying to talk to women was usually getting complaints and police called on me. More would be the doctor has power over me and I've seen the doctors have sex with the patients spouses. How many people have conspired against me or given me warnings that marriage wouldn't work and rather than fight I listened? But being thankful for what I had. Maybe one of those nights I had a dream of different succubus through the years maybe one did have my baby. And to confess as far as all the sex opportunities I missed in life maybe that's because I was at risk of getting hit with an IED and becoming an amputee. Aren't I a good candidate now? I have paychecks I am a home owner I have car with insurance I am loyal and my parent...

 Here' is an update for my alleged kids and past relationships on where I am at now. So I am still disabled and retired. I don't do any substance abuse anymore not even tea (not needing caffeine like before because of being sedated on meds) no smoking anything no drinking nothing and I have VA doctors appointments thus to keep my benefits. I can get negative about things but figure I don't really have any other choices. I am around my parents a lot because they are my caregivers and because I believed in helping them. I still thought Obama's promises would be kept but I don't know if that'll ever happen I care about my parents and follow the VA rules. So a few times I kept getting stumped trying to remember some way of getting high. I did video games for a little while using DK Oldies. I have a game cube Retron 5 (nes SNES etc Genesis). My most used system would be a Nintendo 3ds. I did just order a Retro Kid that I haven't gotten yet (not sure if it'll ...

Was what i actually wanted to do be sexually active? But going back when that stuff was available there were always issues like housing income passion (even family obligations) etc. Another part would be in general the issues with logistics see the men with power over the women cutting me off like the government the school system the military the work force etc (complaints and police). So was I the whole time actually just trying to be promiscuous (but how many times did the references on that stop doing what they wanted like David Bowie or Anthony Kiedis EG)? I didn't know sex work and still haven't learned that much. For example prostitution is illegal. So I have tried the paid pornography and that seemed to show normal sexually active males. I remember when I was pursuing the music along the way people would confuse me or play devil's advocate bringing up the sex industries as opposed to the successes with eg guitar or literature. A story I actually remember was I went t...

 Here's another one. Like that except. Similar to that but not that. How many times has there been some later trivia reveal that ruins someones work? I feel like to err on the side of caution I don't further go into ones that have problems I don't like. Does that stigmatize them? It seems like bad things could happen if I thus continued that. A major disabled writer was Philip K Dick but I don't like that his parents divorced. I liked Allen Ginsberg and the beatniks but I am not homosexual. Can you modify the source material without the problems? I liked the Catcher and the Rye and what it stood for but I don't want to be a total recluse. Then certain dynamics can be honed in on and turned up. I wanted to see if sex was accessible but EG I don't like that Manuel Ferrara's dad is dead. How many time is there a really entertaining thing that has some detail that sort of spoils the whole thing? Take the music how easy is it to keep skipping songs because of som...