blake uptin

 today i assessed my book it was less of an excuse than a tale a video game what was the message as i went i built a story me and the dog the songs the pictures holographic references the scenario of youth and funny humor more of the caffeine grocery food to walk there not being stupid the history of my brain redlight greenlight air conditioning a layer the school felt like a holiday my parents well the footage some tea socks on my feet did some shopping lots of good meals sitting at the bonfire cold air and a hoody healthy and comfortable elsewhere luray mountains surroundings a bed my suitcase what to say what to think more years accumulate hiking outside indoors writing the car backseat going pee missing the dog getting in the pool listening to a song happy seeing a famous town celebrity cooter's from the dukes of hazard the museum and souvenirs nice evening shower pretty faces walmart lacoste memoresi fun with the family my aunt cousins daylight summer of 2020 another good time...

 i was getting entertained with music videos had some ties to the outer world who'd still pick up remembered previous iterations of ideas blake lutomski maybe that was better as aubrey blake different things to improve around me the go to of bed beer office with painting had there wasn't much to say that i hadn't already thought of embracing my life drunk on jewish recordings tea in my heart the shadow the pencil exercising my mind writing no big tale instead there could be perspective the wind and the microwave barefoot getting sucked into various endeavors writing a book painting canvas playing rock & roll being a student with the places thought of women being helped by the family dreaming into oblivion aging further way being able to afford equipment reoccurring fun going outside using a video camera the backyard fence romantic visions of me to not be annoyed drifting into fantasies those fun travels vacations full stomach my history my works the sun moves away birds...

 at lancaster pennsylvania looking forward to eating food though of the expression having a soft spot for someone english or burning a candle at both ends did read the other day a few different masterpieces having a cup of coffee older wiser parents in the other bed room of the hotel did some painting sample studies the meal drinking and venue music football game with a girl generating more material thought of color choice mixes thick line unrefined washington dc lead pencil doing me good cash using did some recordings remember history channel childhood the simpsons sounds pretty good family a meatball conversation feet meal time movie memory other uniforms distance science time for a hobby noodles paying and the source rare ice i had seen a guide how to cope a client and a income the paycheck everyone and everything cognition incapacitation scribble and veterans the meaning the poets the drunks art appreciation an old white man brands loyalty the story of lyrics how i averted cris...

 parents flow hole guests spent rambling to paraphrase outside transition through november earlier then thanksgiving living walk categorical things the push the kick ultimate an outline the way cards scripture computer survey military or catholic family and women elasticity worms train tree state highway peace freedom english answer seated listen copy table indoors street landscape accomplish flesh machine visceral apologizing game mentally ill equipment sort enter drive food allege afford president identification fantasy realm provide mail gender footwear hospital fort amplify broker independent alphabet shout appear forgive lock idea sea exercise alcohl don't matter project speak rest fuel god grocery marriage counter cross side market room animal soul channel teeth calm lay soft western taboo anniversary measure excrete sample built diet bubble rub breath door brush expel welcome the published famous reputation salvation exit can toilet pattern will shot boot plane grammar farm ...

 i was about to fall asleep it was the summer of years past i had stopped going to dc in less than 3 days i was seeing the rolling stones live at fed ex field where the redskins play i had returned from texas i had a doctors appointment last friday at  fort belvoir i had materials resources supplies and time some unfinished some arguable and confusing this same month was when i was seeing pee circles i am thankful for my parents as write i am tired i have used the computer lately i like where i live rereading unerased forward and backward what was i talking about conversations caffeinated beverages purchased belongings the recordings hte vision of the future insured channels a topic further a story textured graphically drainings blackness the lights on a toilet a dog lead pencil derivative thoughts scientific contraptions lying in bed ready for the next day seeing what someone is saying seated vocals wishes coming tree going fast an ocean a towel older videos inventions what i...

 evenings of wonderment years swirled with suggestions coaching and advice mileage to footage savings to works walking to what's near me  listening to other people too so much to say so much to dream to do the best i can holding onto what i have remembering what i can circles squares triangles and other shapes and lines waiting for nothing joy at forever friends untangible concepts outdated mysticism yearly taxes timeless characters in writing without going out of style images of what couldn't be simple enough to put in my pockets and take home grateful to go on trips with my folks a walk outdoors dog at home mom & dad across the street losing life avoiding sacrifices spreadsheet accountability of income smiling at other people swigs of flavors from the red wine descriptions to be read names to choose from grocery store shopping energy inside storms and flowers politics and paychecks i want to be my own hero i want to write my own story

virginia virginia and my home sweet home what do i have to say for myself when i am having fun seven days a week 

how do i satisfy drive my car to go ride with the wind at my back skating balancing and channeling positive joy to be had in the city farther from the waterfront earlier had a meal with my mom & dad happy to live and ride fast each day without having died living like i am dreaming

 childhood youth teens and so on tv inspired believed in movies wishes and chances dodging short sighted goals reliving my lifespan captivating entertainers my soul held hostage  to a song of hope smiling seriously wanting more

 to have a paycheck and other sources of income and a home thoughts of ghosts years spun from drinks it's supposed to snow tomorrow survived desolation stocked refrigerator cities crowds outskirts restfulness actors acting musicals songs words of adventures past errands for groceries melodies not written down seated in the audience dying closer when there's no choices left to leave this earth soul stuck at old haunts heart just gave up looking at this cold earth to have a meal alcohol in belly forever to lie down a restart a do over jazz and paintings further from the beach car rides to the office strangers captured in images purchases the dog at my feet yesteryears poets reduced goals  talking my head off

soft cotton caffeine psychotropic medication the beach clouds & storms snacks from the grocery store long road trip pit stops at truck stops footage contained of the water rushing back and forth at home again dog belly up on the couch comforted with the lack of pace  in bed till noon years gone remembering country static television free entertainment landscapes seeing mom & dad get older thought  connection and to ramble with cousins artists come to town assembled miniatures with glue perused video game library sat back to another summer far from where i'm from in front royal  happy

 books stored inside mind & heart the devil gambling & drinking childhood movie losing & winning and not even trying history and my explanation a pair of parents caring & devoted my choices and nerds foresight giggling to think of the time i had a premonition i was going to die support & fringe & flare kicked out of favorite bar jukebox where i felt like i was wiring money to a country i could have been stranded in dreaming through the years to find my place at home to envy and adore famous musicians and fascinate with los angeles glamor of movie a country separated divided where to spend next travel seeping in  in florida

 wish i was that good few weeks pass on bathtub warmth down a few pabst blue ribbons lost in the waves filmed those family photos returned to the regulars jukebox again  choices see famous comedians settle down begin again movies playing

 stoop sitting on the porch cool wind sweeps through i'm inside in bed playing a movie in my head

i'm getting drunk i gave my guitar a plunk stomach's digesting a chunk i don't even frown

riding the city in a taxi giddy jolly jolly jolly to see that pretty city where am i where are you thank you thank you out at night with summers sunlight

 from out of there down one down two up three up four visit the store in & out the door sing me home listen to the telephone when i get there i'm doing pretty good

 winters passed springs ending bright flowers and lots of  sunlight & fresh air sandals doors unlocked  front yard green grass distant lawn mower running to hit the inertia to the spot of bliss that lasts until morning three minute song videos friends from down the block how far they make it top secret clearance ending soon lessons from the marine corps in  maryland about 20-30 minutes to a metro stop from driving from post

 spilling out words half a decade gone shuffled music the rich & the poor & those leaning in one direction or the other losing banked money drinking down sur charged beer same crowds new wishes light switch on wait till i return feeling at home in this city influencing others and stealing souls i will look you in the eyes stoop sitting neighborhood street cards drive two ways cooking at home with hot sauce variety older people in places of power senate white house state and seated getting a  lime splash of warm sunlight audio costs almost free where does the money come from landed like a pickled kickflip from the jar to be digested sour at no one when you're living large on the government dole clean clothes and therapy if you call it that those puerto rican summers sure felt nice to back a corona  nevermind i'm glad i'm home

 endorsing myself with confidence withdrawn from years of sleep kids baseball games sources of entertainment mental illness & alcoholism in the family years gone more and more did skateboard for a while never went professional shaved head did see an elvis presley movie  sweet to taste so much freedom friends with barracks rats said goodbye to poverty talking to an english professor thought it was my one shot at a lifetime to enjoy eye dropping through a dosage so convenient gracious and  remembering germany made it home alive to think about the magic that can be written word

 hot dogs from the capital hate from the high above angels of this nation strength and substance dependency and despondency cities of bullshit where's my heart where's my history the badge the fight for my right please don't ied me bro thank god thank god  superstition best friends tough jobs 

a person of god to see the sky open up secret intelligence white vans inner genius fueled on budweiser to see someone you know go all in  feel that never get the best of me remember watching rocky balboa in my teens wind & raindrops relationships with those spread like butter who cares got mine reading up on the occult big words for the  suns falling lower  theories and the priests tasks sleeping on the floor  seeing other people and other places rising action falling action those southern skylines in virginia cold beer when my dad learned technology better than me musicians compositions influences and worship  seeing those ships in the sky from home

 this one time i saw a shirtless black guy in the district of columbia on the street corner outside the corner store so much love so much hate so much passion and possession of and to light up the world with chases madness from the music inside to shoot poverty dead and hear gypsy tales sloppy hot sauce serving people in distinction momentum and nerd thoughts to weather and to freedom who were you german carnival a ride that didn't stop protection and alternative prostitution and cash that one bollywood song priests conversations  fathers hand me downs misunderstandings and contradictions most needed most difficult most television from a hotel screen form the television technologic spirit waves of mystery and thought inner monologue  and to get in a depravity flared and baggy bright colors and a six string let me be me

 towards the next passing age where am i going to be what if family children marriage paycheck press the gas down

i want to be able to sing like an immortal haunted ghost born into a good caste even though enamored with strange at the minute historical at collection to live forever through creation to look into the abyss to smile at paintings of women to see through the eyes of another a down pouring a hail storm of connection into the words to say leave me alone or be my friend i'm happy you had to have been there forever gone to differences circulating or hoping mysticism edgar allan poe never was my goal

 cruising down hills skip a few meals catch up with where i left off numerous videos which make big words  possible like "whoah" and spectacular worlds of habit favorite drink places to sit & eat at  digest my way through my whole entire life to know that i'm okay & taken care of to think those big thoughts of theories & conspiracies  for example if you buy something once why would you ever buy it  again

 meals with mom & dad given to the love of a  fun poodle named grover bitter at interior organs draining like that net from black men from basketball courts from  home & away games in bar televisions forgot to say (thanks bartenders and security) so much for that savings grown out of  crazy man hope hypothesize to gimme my break seeking that statement that said something like you're golden stay true  friend in the marines boy processed career lobster with the folks near the place of childhood uniform into america and beyond  swell to see those faces from youth  ride the skateboard daydream my way home stoked to see beach boys founder brian wilson the happiness from artists given to seven see dave grohl to live it and never  back down & accept defeat

 not everyone had all the upsides we were given no back talk and holy leaders responsibilities and christmas gifts the miasma that is  seeing you in the morning trying to steal that interior view of you and what it was that stuck that smile on  like a flashing walk light into a distant home for those deranged enough to  see through  those social norms city bus the blood and the inner energy that circle  that smoked me into  the blues from those ancient recordings give me a kiss and be mine the years not over i hear from songs of this earth that charity and sight seeing i had a hero too and if that love affair grew  too much then i'd fall out a window and land on my feet turn the guitar on i'm going to sleep

 afraid of that mean gap to cross high school end into adult and moves to settlement army taught and paid appreciation of parents so much joy and  thankfulness happy at a nap or an update american dreams sunday mass the father the son and the holy ghost can't believe how many  blessings i've had seeing small goals come through on me having never given up to see those entertainers at parted stops via those beers at a washington dc's night clubs feels like my hearts alive with a television channel of nostalgia you were there too and you all were my best friend alone to compose a record that said something like thanks with love and a smile lost from university couches and richmond virginia houses mom and pop coasting me to  the beach enough generosity to last a life time  occasions with family friends and  strangers the city stole my mind and my hearty gee its nice to  be home once & for all

 guaranteed tomorrow till when disruption free since world leader in a tidied lodging infinite reminders  losing amateur  self work results baggage to swim in shelter and someone's else's contents efforts dreams seeing that which is the dangerous out of bounds sunken into thrown out of don't talk to rebounded and slumming about a unwritten miracle heard on the radio you only need good news once referencing an injury and to play again so much opportunity settled with old and no fight lesson in living with others on this street white male and not a felon

zoom through work days  music volume turned on  to & from  the nights with city lights  going through  current here & now  where am i  reclined on the bed  researching those  carnival folk as my dad calls them  you put a smile on my face  art that intoxicates  drifting and watching  listening and remembering  well fed from forks  engulfed into timeless moments  once & for all jot down  laughter from different  parts and places  faces and living spaces  without regret  i know when the feelings right  i could fall through  and stumble into manuscripts and plots  blasted like those fireworks  over the water  movies playing through my eyes  joking with steps to reset  inside that freedom  dog naps at the feet  street to storefront  money switches hands  earlier in the day coffee  from the machine  sit back feel ...

for all of about  three days  about three feet of snow  got lost from love  cold before christmas  in theatre before  being right back at home  mom & dad brother too 

guitar case with clothes  digital recorder sony recorder  marine band hoehner harmonicas key of g & c one pair of work tennis shoes socks  levis denim  morning scrounge  deli bakery fruits  breakfast in past reception  with guests and employees  all day ink pens & > 200pg  moleskins  the ones ernest hemingway  journalist  and f scott fitzgerald used during world war 2  songs about underlying message  of i have no money however i did no wrong  history manuscript scrapped to dumpster trash  next day home bound waiting to get  radio  i have a mother and father  and brother  hobby of delusion of grandeur  to be the best ever  cut to march madness and choice  homebound or education adventure  research on medication  this is also used on parrots 

 my porch at my house where the uber picks me up from  next to the garbage bins in the driveway the office desktop computer inputting lines of interesting moments receipt surveys unwritten manuscripts my day next to the window homemade movies published  a sedated ambition to do something a place to sit in public not being homeless or poverty stricken digital era instant circulation a combo from a restaurant the past good times when i'd sleep next to you guitar and vocal recordings rock and roll in person live the four seasons muses on someones arm a stage a cheeseburger meal a barbeque  the next holiday

 time in the suburbs ways of entertaining myself nice meals elsewhere choices to make falling asleep caffeine to keep going bills to pay responsibilities  fun to be had today is another try looking at others works a cold autumn breeze right where i am at my shared files online the places i have been the dreams i hold onto a paycheck groceries nothing like freedom

 the good times copying the best of all time  crude childish fan immature  when i saw fidlar (fuck it dog life's a risk) fun loving the nights gone months past to be rich was to have a chili dog and a place to live bills paid  somewhere someone plays a harmonica not taking a bath for a few days baroque as a word used by a reviewer  my drugs in my body healthcare so i don't have to take bowl hits or use condoms a place to call home  the rug the couch the bed the posters texts deposits 2010-2020