blake uptin

 woke up still alive had near death experiences before some i remember through the years one time confusedly took someones prescription it was zoloft and i had some like stranglehold in my mind but i had that after having a forty ounce in my parents basement and using instant messenger foolishly i didn't realize i could die and also not have a herpes lips outbreak so i wake up and the visuals are like this dark blue swirl i go to the toilet and begin vomitting violently and it happens for a while like my stomach is clearing it self so another was i was riding my bike back from national harbor maryland that sort of touristy new age thing with all the businesses there a ben and jerry's like a i used to work at and there's free movies shown on the lawn so on my way back i am being strangled mentally and told to ride my bike along the woodrow wilson bridge with no hands on the handle bars i am terrified but comply and realize i could fall over the guard rail and plummet maybe f...

tricked me once and how that ended um cleared owed scenario and back to nuclear family um but all the things that were done the books the pictures photographs um maybe that back to just go to my appointments and the rest of the time um when i got uplifted from dnd 5e figures i guess stigma being misunderstood even intentionally um being ahead of my time   so i remembered the professor who i was enamored with this being i made it all the way to pure mania the joys of poverty but i didn't change my value so now it's this can i bounce back can i do my own thing despite the police powers so that being for example tonight a movie (mom said no and i think that happened with this particular movie before and then not getting sucked into customer waves bars venues retail other money gone on maybe charity) all those things building momentum with the writers profession each little hobby and the wild freedom i think another was at one point the professor said i was a good writer and that ...

 so first some of my starters were i went to vcu a reputable art school where i first dabbled with some producing initially a verizon flip phone photographs (that to my knowledge are gone) so then later another was i went to dinfos (defense information school) at fort meade that was where i got my official military occupational skill certificate for journalism and public affairs (but it took a while i actually initially failed out) um i thought some people might get offended about the resume behind the work (not taking pictures in public) um in high school i did have experience too like using desktop computers so not being stopped by excuses and producing being careful about hearsay warnings and finding ways to pay on this like going to the movie theatre um i met the director rory sheridan and others they had concerts i attended  so here's what to do get a (i prefer sony with a usb cable) camcorder or use your smart phone so the equipment use a desktop computer with video edit...

 little differences not being by the waterfront though there was man made bodies of water the dirty trashy styles learning some companies earlier carhart different workers clothes those brands the sort of southern feel the cowboy landscape zaxby's contractors construction other influences rock and roll music rockabilly humidity fried chicken americana the james brown statue seeing augusta some boutiques and the survivors and off post businessmen a tire shop so the spots i was near being aware florida is close and so is the carolinas north and south thinking too of barbeque inside these places with first world technology the lights the register and georgia mustard the airports the golf course augusta national and even soul food ribs with so the sunlight being different (than virginia days) the cold mornings the military breakfast western omelet breakfast meats fruits from a bar coffee and all those formations morning pt the music video lighting different young people military school...

 so the idea some like posterized effects like a sense of humor (even ghetto rnr) or how that'd look on a wall thinking of other backgrounds substance abuse users (drinkers smokers hallucinators heroine addicts) or bohemians too off the grid a picture of openings and frills walkable and cafe days dorms balconies fresh air wildness freedom being approachable so some of what i was trying to achieve seeing some rockstar paintings b dylan ronnie wood kepi ghoulie the person in the studio with the compilation accumulated in the background the different studies and productions all the influences different painters what topic to cover so getting help with new painting ideas one concept was friends style like pablo nic d jono andrew stuart sonny to name a few so how it'd look in a bedroom how'd it'd compliment the crazy stuff previous singular concepts blown up a pair of blue lacoste shoes so the pop art style the blurs of surrealism getting these in my sketchbook before the fi...

 so having heroes who were single at points before learning of later social norms and policies so naive and on a mission um fault finding relationships adultery cheating gainful income polygamy wandering eyes family support um so the life of independence being by myself taking care of my mortgage utilities other expenses until as shown around the other hero neighbors the streets with unhomeless guys and their the marriages arriving the power from the county officials and the voters being marginalized that seeming to be how things go there so i thought of my life devoted to my projects (movies paintings miniatures photos recordings guitar piano videos blogs writing publication connoisseur taste) but then hearing other pseudo fake news histories about peoples bios different discrepancies about these different admired personalities looking to floor model template heroes and comparing sizing up seeing things in common trying to meet my requirements and previous suggestions how to do th...

 so to today i am retired and on disability so with that um seeing dead ends with most everything and pointlessness too so getting fired from a job or avoiding debts um  here was a scenario i avoided so my doctor i think at one point suggested i get a job or volunteer with which i was misunderstood so things i thought would happen getting exposed to federally illegal drugs that's smoking and that happening quick too um issues with riffs forming with my parents (staying with the family plan not wanting them put in a retirement facility) um being 'over qualified' (is it unfair that a general gets that while other people what's their calling um so further not wanting to lose my benefits and what i learned and saw in georgia first hand people gone with the wind clark gable returned to duty) so that illogical thing and more the doctors malpractice games with the drugs being toyed with and at risk for sodomy  so my career as an artist other peoples thoughts like you won't...

 so was considering what there is to do so you think of what to spend money on (is it worth it to go to seven eleven walking up the hill there and back) (at one point i was considering a car for when i am in alexandria but would that be a dead end better off keeping the money and other parts repairs it was driving to the dog park ft belvoir shopping um meals) or what that will do (as opposed to drugs mostly food just fills up your stomach craving other stuff art supplies thought provocation) if you buy food you'll get fat or how to socialize with social work (rock and roll but not wanting to do that maybe laziness instead and injury aversion hearing homeless titles a blues house or previously the smokers that whole community bongs & couches the posters) then the western correction thought (hearing warnings) hearsay about choices (don't try to do projects just do stupid simple american thoughts) being fearful of the police and regimes  from a smokers perspective that'd b...

 i'm tired of all the bull shit um continue on with your mentality so oh someones translation 'suck my dick or you'll be shanghai'd' and people who won't reach me due to a story from long ago of drugs um chucks in the suburbs over by others um feral vermin and welfare the things you can get at 711 hot foods and booze then the merch choices around here in person target toys walgreens mags walmart deli um tomorrow the kids games when you were there and it seemed a tad bit a little bit intense so the va all the heroes around there um which story walking to steal candy as a kid when william was back at a high school football game so the practice of guitar someones better and another was people who've learned other tunings what to purchase the different entertainers out here the comedians who can get you and another the do not try lesson talks with a cab driver africa anarchy wingeless angels things that were like thought of but never all the way done like seriou...

i can't really go knock on my friends door anymore (what year is this who are you) and see if they want to come out and play (please don't call the cops on me) um the distance between the office suite and the shopping center where there's the lack of participation stand up comedy on the subject of walking fail at college to learn to walk um inner city pedestrians streets of misery and cars speeding past with mean faces and bad energies like being grazed by attackers and the cold outside with memory of being kicked in the testicles a small frown appears the story line to static clips compiled alone with the tripod family meals holidays the conniving conspiring crooked politicians which specific person is out to get me now the year on the month progression each seasons weather from here um interesting thoughts blogged and professional samples shared the rock and roll effect of sitting in the living room canned food um the build up of a day wake up to freedom (having had weird...

 so the word applied to animals like a dog knows not to poop in the house so if someone is staying with me some things like not smoking indoors or maybe not wanting (additional) guests or other boundaries not wanting my possessions gone through or someone staying there while i am elsewhere like a business trip um maybe not using my stuff like the car or master bathroom unless things were solved with partnership other stuff not stealing so some of this was as a home owner keeping everything in good condition and also not being irritated or upset when i said i was high strung up tight professional other parts no loans or potential for being put in a bad place being lawful maybe not clogging a toilet or abusing home features to damage

 so you can get a court case for something that seems to not make sense from here here is what i think you can have a completely valid point and case for it'd be innocence of the charges like a explanation that is true and reasonable or convincing but if you do that yourself you will lose and can guaranteed face troubles from there like incarceration (or what the punishment is) so that story being you have to pay a lawyer to represent you and their legal schooling background will allow them to potentially rescue you from hardships so needing a professionals help so not being foolish but maybe it is possible to come out ok maybe that being any court case is automatically a life sentence risk to be taken serious and paid out to

so when exactly did this start so in the army um when i was in training after meps (see the ears test or the processing) maybe when i first heard tones in my ears right ear left ear and later there'd be meanings to the sounds like reading and describing it another was my eyes being like terminator the arnold schwarzenegger movie character um so once while dealing with schizophrenic treatment telling my doctor that paying attention to the sounds was like winning the lottery like opening a safe and machines um times i set trajectory course for the future the inputs um like sensors or picking up radio signals and other technology like computers sleeping um my skeleton and other parts the holocaust 

 effect of remembering previously so things that worked earlier like remembering a fugazi cd and the how that worked really well could even end up circling back to come back for something that seemed like a good idea and the reverse avoiding a danger  dues like subscription staying active with payments and how things can stem from that showmanship frills details style others on shelf thinking people you knew could be helped like reps or reminders for friends and family jews um some of that maybe media stereotypes like the kosher practice or hasidic stuff money answers hmm what'll it do picture this imagine and visualize think of what it'll do  mind mapping future planning getting ready and going on new ideas uncharted territories something fresh something different  gimmicks novelties trends obnoxious stuff or conservative flamboyant um spokesman endorsements celebrities heroes  researched found products and services fill a void  favorites smells retail um ...

 i take my medication at prescribed my caregivers supervise me i don't drink or smoke anymore i have active business licenses and file taxes i shop at walmart  i pay all my bills on time  i have home owners insurance i have car insurance i have tricare health insurance  i have money in savings  i listen to the doctor at appointments i have a diagnosis  i have a therapy dog i plan for the future

 under the current medication i quit drinking also i don't smoke anything i go to all of my appointments on time i pay all of my bills my mortgage also paid off my student loan  my caregiver is a family member who lives nearby i don't break any laws  i listen to warnings and suggestions i am aware of the county  i am retired and disabled i file my taxes and stay not applicable  i sold my va mortgage house when i moved i am doing independent living  i went to live music shows at one point i completed portions of my contract like my mos bonus  i don't have kids  i pay collection at catholic church 

 groceries so eating out less usually just with my parents somewhere but that countered with working through costco where there's bulk good cheaper prices and then some of the regular grocery store  this was maybe learned from drugs but it was the strict budget so it was sort of only investing like buying things that were tangible (a toy instead of fastfood) that i'd be able to have later on as opposed to food or other things  celebrate christmas so yearly keep that in mind getting the gifts for other people that holiday buying good quality clothing keeping it till it is replaced then donating that to a thrift store no real love life maybe a dog instead of a spouse  making my own tea so other things made at home too buffalo chicken wings  putting money into savings  keeping my car in very good condition regular oil changes weekly drives paying the loan  being a home owner so thinking longterm  only using my toilet to poop at home as opposed to oth...

 so have one item to read a magazine a autobiography something reasonable and that you can finish in however much time you chose while having your freedom without stress or fear about grading so with the reading material think of what you take away from it like topic manuals on something you are practicing i play guitar and have other hobbies art rpg's blogging movies journalism public affairs writing photography so some examples i've learned keith richards and bob dylan two famous guitar musicians some of this coming from walmart spokesman find a finished one that catches your attention like duck dynasty the family company maybe think of other media formats to use listen to an album on a media unit go through modern prolific discographies  have involvement with a social club that is probably dependent upon your money so maybe once a week go to a cafe for coffee maybe after building rapport with the business maybe you'll talk to other regulars (you could try thrift shopping...

 so the idea already happened that being woodstock 1969 so my idea was like a form of schooling if there was festivals around but this spin was the medieval festivals that being more open and available like thinking of too the dnd stuff but good palette and presentation like coming into a city like a western the missions that can start or being able to meet other people the traffick of the common areas a place to be in public with other people thinking of how things would go from there like the occupy wall street thing that happened where there's like hippies or openings starting drifters thinking too of roadies or followers that dissolving and breaking down in the cities conversation openings hang out invites though not dealing with the issues of it the domestication or the toilets too but then other stuff the drugs the hippies  the kiosks idea was maybe seeing disney land that life's work the amusement park that being where like a guest services like a sort of group place li...

 muslims so terrorist threats results like ied amuptations prisoner of war the political power obama blacks risk of hiv aids um sex trafficking slavery familiarity mexicans hispanics the drug cartels the explanation to drug tunnels or smokers enabled gays theatrics like homicide child support incarceration stigmas details on lgbtq asians greeks italians mafias extortion or power maneuvers the restaurants business whites social effects like clicks um intimidation and control aryans southerners racisms bigotry  jews bankers strategies education persecuted lawyers catholics families the lord's prayer humility  elders old people riffs can emerge or deals protection wills  military violent sexually privileged ranks differences hierarchy um gangs 29 bloods crips aryan nation meadow woods rampart dr the right to start a militia  classes homeless middle class lower class high class trailers suburbs mansions homeless  indians being suspicious like stealing your kidn...

 hearing damage it going as far as hearing aids attendance for a reason at live music visual impairments hearing of glaucoma so which things to view cable tv miniatures hobbies helper animal a dog that is a companion provides relief reassurance caregiver parents helping me um independence with some monitoring  blood pressure don't fight dr on meds and then side effects eating unhealthy easy lazy prescriptions antipsychotics the term mental illness um reduced health but easier way suggested disability longterm housing get along with the neighborhood pay  substance abuse alcoholism smoking cessation um overeating so sobriety and  mil benefits using those and following the rules retirement source of pay  

 debt owing money on something and not knowing how i'll do okay with my budget legal not wanting to be afraid about courts  cops not wanting to be harassed by police  tattoos not wanting this but not having a problem with it if other people want it it doesn't bother me losing benefits seeing that as another ultimate dead end  sodomy not wanting to get sexually assaulted due to even vulnerability  unemployment so not being able to do anything despite logistics  dialysis being over medicated and staying awake with caffeine kidneys previous ones amputations overdose 

 cpt hewitt so this whole princess thing like rapunzel and the beautiful blonde hair and complexion and the extremely heightened part being med boarded maybe some power involved and an offering and an exit and everything provided for um other people involved in some way sgt hodge and his american muscle car um georgia all the tradoc memories unknown sleep amish these trophiable women visiting me in my sleep other places texas miami  lindsay r jewish sort of um an immature age um her parents um the nuances flip phone high school music um  marley k elementary school um the fairy feelings um a crush going into public school ages um tech decks basketball halloween crystal maybe first grade blonde girl um front royal  crystal f the unit in germany and before there e551 ait the face the thinness um the crush um  erika being taken care of while temporarily stuck so the midrise apartment blonde hair her body boobs um the decor styles the drinks nights finding stuff to d...

 so the build up the 18yr old parties where after senior year the summer saving up my ben and jerry's pay checks to go move to richmond so my parents and the drive that i drew as a comic sketch one time and another was when i wrote about a passage on that as a book i was going to do so moving into brandt dorm and that whole year of being a freshman everything provided on the debt tab so sur charges for snacks chikfila hot foods from the common area hall or the vending machine cheddar sour cream ripples chips after those routine smoke sessions in hindsight unbelievable that we were smoking blunt rides in cars you can get in trouble for this stuff but everything pushed over so the whole dorms flooded with people exploring the trafficked city until the ghost town when the holidays come and relaxing in the south the art school peoples effort lgbtq 420 friendly a different map my own starting point over there and that progressing when later i'd spend money on cigarettes used clothes...

 ben always loving the picture of him in the fan the like proximal high from him doing world of warcraft him showing me how he had this crammed small space he made cosy there was a hallway that had a sheet cover at the there group going into 20s age the country club him getting that job after cody got me there um his generosity or when i got the house a carton of basics um  ben s seeing richmond a second time so his guitar playing and his always there style used stuff and worn in stuff influences metal hipsters ivy league later on in hindsight maybe the bernie from the eagles the southern country rock who left um him being generous with cigs um  jono m the time he gave me his dinosaur jr cd farm after i got him a gore vidal book um the time we went to dc to listen to mission of burma his friendliness when he let me mail him my book i wrote um his mclean house and the fan watching jon stewart on cable um his warmth and protection like i think at one point i had anxiety and...

 so his dad and how cool and charming he was (the self made original masterpiece) that legend (one i thought was as a jr underling maybe with my own diagnosis but it was like saying ian mackaye at a nightclube in dc how many people respect and value that) like i think my dad told me gary gygax didn't have any skills (so thinking too like custom projects with like dealers the concepts) or something (thinking of the college crowds or even in my own experience looking for work the foolish pointlessness) another was gary being usmc and thinking of those like crazy wild adventures (teenage bands touring um communties) so that being one another was like maybe this one on the spot thinking was like the beach boys people having their family (the wild side of rock shows or star light lime light) have a role in the band so another was like the cool side of the gaming table someones basement um the way it works like your image of what this represents your resume history intro like if there...

and don't hurt my feelings seeing someone can start earlier or other envy and jealousy provoking things so unoffensive productions  read look up things to study and improve with have different interests and familiarities  the tv so just playing monogamous maybe jazzy (i reference the years i spent seeing these famous peoples hits so doing those) going through fluid overlapping words and riffs being as hypnotic as a movie or show record and publish actually do it don't keep procrastinating or the same loops (though maybe that's better a normal civilian life) get equipment and begin document with a journal  the 3d so the presentation and visual making it like a video game thinking of soundtracks so branching out with other things that catch you a painting a cameo  ego so have a huge confident astronomic image like thinking of the legend of the rolling stones make your housing stylish and bold have good taste  let your legend being let it become this larger tale th...

 so would you rather live or die that point blank so that being i think the story was me artistically illustrating the such as holocaust then back and forth on that mil rescues to counter it (like people not understanding that over there is not like over here and more of these ignorances) so the story was a systematic death program then that countered with like spokesmen and representatives so one was i sort of thought one way my grand dad died was that he didn't go see bob dylan when i told him about that  so the bad experiences and me understanding so here's what it was you go there then before hand there's lots of things you didn't know (stereotypes people told you exactly what'd happen like it being worth it to not get arrested or it being gays and jews) like other people will be funding the bartender and that 'bully' over you (inducing social anxiety maybe) so what can you afford (how often with what choices is there a food service can you drink and pay...

 so my lesson on losing power but getting some reassurance and safety so it's this i learn i am now permanently disabled and using pharmaceuticals antipsychotics so with this it's having seen other people maybe made example or proving the doctors points being really good at guitar but still even at sold out shows oncoming issues like regular pay or regular lives like the stage and the companion so things that are possible but you'd have to get injured to do like thinking the catholics can redirect you constantly with their beliefs opinions and power and influence so other peoples control over your freedom and the laziness or defeat of that  and everywhere someone there ready to antagonize you defeat you break you ruin your experience and if you think someday they'll be gone wrong there's infinite replacements waiting and ready to obliterate your time for no reason like additionally it took effort to do that like out of the way unkindness and unkarmaic actions  the v...

 so this was a long slow train coming but so i think one beginning was in richmond at stephen's apartment so it was that i would be like bob dylan (i was hungry poor and stupid um i was manic dreaming of great wealths from genius creative productions) so this being like the story bob dylan wanted to be like woody guthrie (maybe like an apprenticeship and not to get mixed up with idolatry) so cutting through some if it i was in germany convinced before the deployment i was guaranteed going to lose my legs as a ied amputee (this dealing with one being my unpaid student loan but my unit i love those people i got through ok thanks to my sergeant or my coworkers) for no reason so the story was i went awol (absent without leave) so the first place i went was to a music store in schweinfurt germany (later maybe was a secret on this like how there's the six string soldiers and things i didn't know like thinking my contract was like a life sentence like when i thought i'd go to ...

 clark t and victor c front royal warren county so as rhodes some childhood times like before marvel made it big with movies and stuff um aunt mary as the librarian us getting someones pornographic magazine um a sleep over the athletics the bean bag throwing at feet game kick ball  burd b the trip to the mall on the public bus getting 'paraphenelia' there cds graphic t's his hosting the equipment and the petco skateboarding smoking drinking flaming hot cheetos his friend cliff his mom's house around the corner from 711 the other places target and panera guitar class  sonny l his taking me to parties online chatting aol and myspace before he went to virginia tech skateboarding when there was mack marley allison caitlyn kate the different cliques skylar & ian the tables at wphs  pierce k (and casey s and neal h) going to the country club going skiing tford um the football games and belle view elementary school sports their parents house quander  alex m meeting...

 so my big property the other rooms the guest bedroom in luray days there the master bathtub relaxing with the not to hot water the two closets with clothes to pick out the garage with the car waiting nice back door to the deck patios the studio for making material producing good furnishings um tvs with entertainment sources the whole display of that crib computers with internet um the short walk to my parents from there meals at their house with their pool too and the outdoor barbeque home cooked meals the surroundings the mountains the country club golf course the nearby shopping centers and right by the entrance into town with main street huge lawn the day going on and passing a few numbers in the cell phone a hint of the future prepped and  the modern looks countered with timelessness  so the clothes different seasons memorable footwear coming into this decade there's the blogging the walmart shopping being charitable regularity at catholic mass grocery shopping and c...

 so in middle school 8th grade was the first time i tried smoking what was said to be marijuanna (we were in the woods with someones homemade plastic bong with aluminum foil pull out stem piece and a lighter and the bud) um it was slow and not violent a gradual stoned thing like red eyes being sleepy and when my parents would catch me i'd get yelled at and grounded as punishment so around the puberty years i was seeking some fun um i'd drank alcohol some at this age would be liquors from peoples parents stolen and put in a water bottle (vodka rum gin whiskey) um later as time went on into high school there'd be beer or malt liquor (and a early on suspension for drinking at a football game that was terrifying but i made it through and completed high school) and getting people to buy that for me um also there'd be in high school more sampling of smoking like the set price in virginia for a while was twenty dollars for a gram and too that sur charge being the best spot (mo...

 basically i thought my remaining possessions like money from my housing or what ever i have left with the plan of dying in my house would go to the veterans affairs the catholic church and then to my dad's relatives so that being my aunts kids all those family members the aunts regina allison francine madeline bonnie and uncle eric and too my dad with his line like stuart's family  um weird memories where i thought there was people who assisted me with having a kid so thinking people at the dc va hospital had my kid and other places lancaster pa fort gordon georgia vcu richmond the british girl in spain the french person at a gas station germany so if their was an heir thinking of that funded  um thought i was clear on any debts or unfinished business mostly um another was a few times having this odd feeling like i was dead (and having had near death experiences before) um thinking some of these people or organizations protected me  some of it being myself protected...

 so i was born in woodstock va i think as a baby i may have been in california but (and i guess leaving some parts like how it could get spun up like navy lores though all truth) so i grew up in front royal va (remembering the 90s fads) till leaving in 5th grade to come to alexandria (i stayed active and learned to skateboard and also did youth sports like football and basketball and baseball) for years i wanted to do some things like write a book be in a movie um be an artist i wanted to make music so i made good grades and graduated high school at west potomac (though at one point i got in danger with a under age drinking with some pals at a football game) and that being a good school (i'd party too getting access to drugs and alcohol at times) um after that i was accepted into vcu in richmond (i had a lot of fun crammed into about 2 yrs there) though i dropped out to enlist in the army in the military (where i got lots of certificates) i went to a few places i was in fort jackso...