not working my rationale i'd be high after shift that day or other risky behaviors vermin women circumstance um instead qualifying for mil supervisions and staying benefited

 so to today i am retired and on disability so with that um seeing dead ends with most everything and pointlessness too so getting fired from a job or avoiding debts um 

here was a scenario i avoided so my doctor i think at one point suggested i get a job or volunteer with which i was misunderstood so things i thought would happen getting exposed to federally illegal drugs that's smoking and that happening quick too um issues with riffs forming with my parents (staying with the family plan not wanting them put in a retirement facility) um being 'over qualified' (is it unfair that a general gets that while other people what's their calling um so further not wanting to lose my benefits and what i learned and saw in georgia first hand people gone with the wind clark gable returned to duty) so that illogical thing and more the doctors malpractice games with the drugs being toyed with and at risk for sodomy 

so my career as an artist other peoples thoughts like you won't get paid in this lifetime or another you're better off on disability (some spirit breaking) so um the hobbies i had and meeting my constraints paying for my longterm housing so how much of my energy focused on what producing quality material or other aspects the business and professional sides taxes licensing even social stigma a doctors power over me seeing things being nonsensical the diag to being a guitar player or even piano player before everything gets complicated 

so i am retired and disabled and from there time spent on my hobbies um out of the rat race so to speak and aware of immediate injuries or potential threats and troubles out there waiting women issues 

basically what i predicted could happen was i'd end up smoking weed and that crack bullet in the chamber waiting um someone could end up pregnant um getting upset at my family um keeping my eligibility for mil benefits so my condition schizoaffective schizophrenia manic depression um all that and taking my meds

other parts the power and politics being defenseless um unstoppable parts out there enemies out there um regimes dictators voters 

the usual bad listeners um ignorance and stigma or ostracization non intellegencia or which antagonist 

my hobbies painting artwork painting miniatures writing music playing guitar piano um writing making videos taking photos blogging my history of quarantined alienated successes 

also the work being somewhat pointless stocking groceries no one will buy that'll expire um the petty leadership different bosses and so many people as examples so the longterm local hermit goal