blake uptin

 Here's a bit of a memoir. So sometimes later on things can seem to come out or. So in this case here was a story I was remembering. To give you the testimony or play by play. So here was where the story picked up I thought some women in VCU may have had my babies and I was following up with that before someone interrupted me (that was a group who played Nats stadium the interrupters) and kept harassing me and stalking me for years. So to begin from that persons perspective. I was a new kid in town that's an Eagles song. So in the new elementary school I saw a fellow student wearing generic I think pay less shoes and he seemed to be infuriated by me and jealous of me but intrigued and fascinated. Later on I think it came out that EG being from Front Royal and having tough parents I was original and not processed. Around this time I vaguely became aware of terms like social work or other city terms. So he later attached to me and I've always had a maybe French set of mind (m...

Did I under estimate the doctor? The doctor kept telling me a story about using the phone light at night. What I was saying was could I have been possessed? Did I do necromancy? So a story was maybe me and the professor became friends. I heard his wisdom or deals. In the background there were women but I thought I was never ready or I didn't want to end up like my uncle. At the time I was studying Bob Dylan. So where am I now? Studying some Bill Wyman? So am I at a more powerful spot now? Did I get rewarded for the quest I set off upon? Is this culminating with a blowjob for the doctor? Everything people tried ruining at every stop of the way friends the music industry the different organizations the government the school system and so on. Is the witchcraft and voodoo and what not real?

 Is it just me or is the housing bleak in a way? If you're one of the familiar owners then things are complacent or annoying. But if you relocate you find you can't do that still. So what is the answer then? Hearing about VA Beach EG you end up in Norfolk and that's cruddy in it's own way. So staying put and there's the pharisees and philistines making fun extinct. Why can't the housing be vibrant and a good time? Now me in a bedpost town with the show cancelled for now. Is it just not possible to be able to settle down and stay cool? Dreams of other places are stopped by hearing of all the failures who tried. Germany doesn't work neither does Georgia Africa isn't possible Korea would be too difficult and England there's many reasons why it would be hard. So seeing the advantages of being a home owner but too remembering the thrills of manic poverty. Where's the good housing deals? So with staying put forever what's the goal for life anymore?...

 Here were some directions and guidance in life for me. Being self taught. Word of mouth. Junior enlisted brains. Blue collar knowledge. The examples made of people. Listening to the world has faired for me pretty well it seems. So hearing peoples warnings advice and tips. To also research things on my own with what resources I had through the years. To be okay with asking for help. In the Army younger soldiers men and women and trans being able to help me with what I wanted. In high school mil affiliated peers giving their directions or suggestions. The workers barbaric knowledge and crude rough estimates for what I wanted. Others who could've been pseudo crucified before them their lesson from what they did or didn't do. To hear others out. To respect warnings. To know when to stop or when to keep going. To use others experiences to help myself.

 Where is the excitement? Where is our community now? What is our education network after childhood? So sharing the spirit of the eternal student. There's shopping online and in person. After the end of school what's next? Being a homebody with hobbies. Involvement with the Catholic church. To feel special. To have experiences. To socialize. To learn. Getting to do what we enjoy for a living. Getting mental stimulation. To lead long healthy happy lives with our families. To have passion and moderate our priorities.

 My children could be half siblings. See the mother having my baby hypothetically. Reasons like my money was good or where I was at and what I was doing. A secret with the children surfaces. The woman remarried or separated. Our baby in other destinations than me. My blood line and name and reputation and behavior. Would they be ok because my story made sense? Or because I was taken care of now due to my actions. A paycheck and other necessities taken care of. To be saintly and heroic. Maybe I agreed to being given the world in exchange for a honest living. My excuses like obligations to my parents. Other reasons things like lining up income employment longterm future settling down. Now what could I do? The secret children becoming adults now.

 Sex is against the rules for Catholics. Moving forward I chose to listen to the rules. So have I been rewarded before for respecting women? That explanation rewards for good behavior as a motive. Sex is for procreation only. Hearing the baby is a bigger triumph than the orgasms. And also not being hurtful or offensive. The many reasons to be abstinent. So someones always watching. To do the right thing always. I still masturbate and resort to pornography at times. But I do not figure out how to cross the line into carnal sins. So to be religious and devout. Respecting women as mothers. To have the blessed Virgin Mary be sacred and holy. Doing my part like donating or going to Sunday mass or monthly confessions.

 My country is abandoning me for no reason. So here is some of it I have a paycheck but I can't seem to ever get back in with anywhere ever again. No friends no jobs. Everywhere is untrustworthy and pointing me directly back into the military as it did for since the beginning of time. Me and my parents are shanghai'd and stranded without the VA. People won't go near me because of the VA. Everyone sends me back to the VA and can't help me or interact. The college days are over despite me trying to share that with our communities. At every stop there's someone screwing with me. When I had my business with the official paperwork I don't think I made money and it was going to cost me money in addition to innumerous pointless documentations to do. Not even the grocery store or anywhere would hire me but they can waste all my time with surveys without paying me for that. There's all the unions in addition to other groups the militias the gangs the government the s...

 I have had a fantasy of relocation before. Let me explain so on the one hand the neighborhood kids showed me how to be a disabled veteran on the other hand the school system showed me outrageous heroes adventures. What will the future be and what is possible? I have moved houses I bought twice. So do you ever daydream about what it'd be like elsewhere? I have like places I have been and heard about. Lancaster PA Augusta GA Schweinfurt Germany Korea France England Africa. I don't want to have my life ruined but the reverse I want insurance and seem to have a somewhat secure future for me and my family. But catching it there I heard you can't do that. See the hearsay about VA Beach and Norfolk. It just doesn't work like that. So settling in and accepting my future. Trying to stay industrious and improve my life to come. Am I a victim of VA Healthcare? But is it the reverse am I an example of VA healthcare being rewarding and helpful?

 Is there literally any other answer possible? So having a terminal farsighted vision on things what is still possible? So I found without references things fall apart and the references I had all I later found troubling trivia about them like JD Salingers brother dead earlier but is that a best case scenario as opposed to worse things out there. Scrooge has it's jaws of life death grip on me and I can't escape. It's that or immediately nothing works. What I don't like is it said Dickens dad went to a debtors prison. So what are me and my families choices for who we can reference and use? I tried Bill Wyman and he was a better of what's out there. His parents lived long free lives but it said his dad died a little earlier then his spouse. Why can't things keep going the way they are? So trying to balance things for my married parents and have reassurance for what's to come. With Obamacare did you know his dad died much earlier and with that why would he be p...

 The black card. So here is basically the scenario I am picking up on. My two undercover training moles from the Army are in danger of social work punishments one an amputee and the other a suicide. Basically my read was this is because the black men unanimously want white women and these two are exhausting their remaining lifelines. So furthermore there was my lesson with America like peoples taxes or non segregation (yet it is quite divided in reality). So there's EG some mixed parts like Washington DC and clubs and locals. To be fair my friends could've been just as ignorant as we all are about being stunned by white women or how it was they got to do that and others didn't so it's not fair. Basically I heard there wouldn't necessarily be so much interracial sex for a while hearing how EG Obama is allegedly being closed out. So do I have some familiarity with interracial porn? Yes indeed there can be parts like black mail adultery or deals being handled. Is that ...

 I am looking to help my old jobs. For example there was my comradery with drug users or other careers I had the desert shop. I didn't want to leave my friends hanging. Some of it too I thought may have made me age and grow better EG listening about smoking weed in college. So EG after the Army I couldn't smoke but I supported the music and entertainment industry. I saw how EG Willie Nelson can make perfect sense. I had a flicker of a window of usage where everything was ultra elite and once in a lifetime. With education I heard how the drugs could be a controversy as them seen as steroids for college athletes. Why I can't smoke now is because of the VA. That is how I get paid and I don't want to lose what I have. Apparently it is against the current legal drug regiment I am on. So I am seeing how in the community I can contribute and be a part of my old jobs. With the deserts I still do sweets and didn't know being a deserter was a thing quite ignorant to sugar. So...

 I don't think I am racist. Well aren't we all a little racist? Anyways I was saying I was taught white women. But to be fair I could just have easily have been into other ethnics. If I was stationed in EG Asia and was shown the red light district that could've worked. It was I don't think I got a chance and had to deal with the world. I was stationed in Deustchland and the brothel was mandatory. Aside from stereotypes like disease I could've liked black women or half black women too. I wasn't obsessed with white women. It was just what was all over the television. Remember interracial white wife videos during Obama? Remember other names leading up to that like Michael Jordan the basketball player his reputation or Tiger Woods them being none as sex addicts who racially profiled white women. Some of it was like the breeds or tokens or caricatures. I tried to assimilate as an American as opposed to relocating overseas which as stated I had to do. So I can like bl...

I never knew about the antipsychotics. So a story was as boys others were fatter and lazier while I was hungrier and poorer. Now I am just like them. What can I still pull off? I can't really skate quite like I've used too. So I've gotten older too. I'd see people buy skate shoes and not really use them that much for actually skating. Now I get it now that the meds have sedated me and made me much more lethargic. I accept the change and don't really see any other option. So moving forward there's the healthy moderated way. What interests can I still do? Normal sleep schedules no illegal drugs what else?  

 I had the ultimate first job. So we moved to a much nicer house. My neighbor was reading outside with his dogs. I asked him if I could walk his dogs for money and he said ok. So that was such a fun time of my life. And I respected my boss because he had a lot of things he'd done. It was cool to hear him say he was going to Germany I think to stay for a little while and I'd take care of things. That cash as a teenager. I think a riff came up was I had to go to VCU. So we parted ways. But while we were together it'd be a good time like when he told me about the people you meet in heaven book. He always was so generous and kind. I was walking service dogs and they were teaching me too. I heard service dogs were trained either by prisoners or priests. That was my neighbor and friend. He reminded me of Superman.