blake uptin

 I must be accountable. I am keeping my deals with the women who may have birthed my children. I am trying to stay the course as a good example. It is tough but it seems to be must what be done. I tried paid pornography. I forget and remember different women and trans from my life. I tried to not be hurtful mean or insensitive while contrasting that with my own weak stomach and easily offended part. I decided not to read the Bill Wyman book yet because I suspect something happened to his parents as has happened in just about every celeb bio. I am doing the best I can. I am all alone. Me and my dog hang out with my parents a lot. I try to be symbiotic with them. I have seen others who I may pass judgement on for seeing holes in their stories. I suspect others of immoral actions. I try to follow Robot Law and always do what I am supposed to. I couldn't let you down.

It's all over now. No more producing and projects. Instead restaurants and my parents. Gone are the days of paintings or public videos. Settling down into the next chapter. It's time to move on. Let go of the old dreams and passions. Onto a better tomorrow. Life is about my family. Centering around my parents. So not getting in trouble over projects. No more risking my neck over free content. So moving into the future. Letting the life ease into a peaceful paradise. I don't need to die over foolish wishes. I don't need to endanger my family and instead can be thankful for all I have accomplished.

 The strip club sort of doesn't seem like it was worth it. 1 prostitution is illegal. 2 I made no progress as a male pornstar or sex addict. 3 I don't want my parents divorced. This place I believe is Muslim run and I have learned Muslims don't like me. I literally did everything I was supposed to and got zilch. I believe I was paying about $450 for a private room full length lap dance. I got to be around partially nude women but I didn't get to have sex and thus was I better off using pornography? Sex workers have never really helped me. I had to go overseas to have my sex vacation ruined with a guitar quest. Sex addiction the success stories as always have deal breaker trivia like Tiger Woods parents dying early or John Holmes doing a murder or Henry Miller being an expat. I got a plea deal for touching a woman's butt and it seemed like for the longest time I kept getting sued or the cops called on me despite perfectly logical explanations.  I didn't really ge...

 The psychiatrist the social worker the priest the lawyer all can be biased. It's quite obvious they are selfish and only concerned with getting paid. They can harass me and not be accountable for their appointments. To the point of sodomy. Why am I enemy of the state forever? See being punished for doing what I was supposed to. So the government gets to take advantage of the system and I get used and tormented permanently. Why does someone have the power to continually harass me with no consequence or balance of power over that? It is out of control. That's life that's the USA. Look at Hung Cao not taken serious and losing. The rules get changed and then furthermore my accounts get hacked and vandalized. I am being marginalized and alienated and stigmatized. Deals are never kept. The doctors and educated abuse me because of their orders or because of their own personal bias. The people sent to help don't they are just selfish and cruel.

 I kept seeking some high out of things but it wasn't always there. There's a plethora of side effects from drugs I was trying to find some alternative way of inducing. I've hallucinated from entertainment before. But those illegal drugs I stay away from and now only take legal drugs like my medicine. Buying things doesn't completely get me high. Inching along in a video games doesn't do that all the way either. So what is it? What is the sweet spot on life and fun? I liked doing the rosary at daily mass. I enjoy going on Fort Belvoir with my mom and using my military benefits shopping there. I liked publishing and being productive finding joy in business being the background and helping doing things to enrich our region our neighborhoods. So coming up with ways of quenching the joy centers in our brain. Showing what was going on to replicate it or comparing what's similar or providing healthy alternatives. Let's share methods of reaching happiness regularly...

 So I have gotten myself into a strange loop. I have so much fun thinking about the video games but I don't spend all my time completely all of them. On this go around things have improved and I get to nice save checkpoints and get to relive my youth. I'll shop DK Oldies but maybe spend more time doing other side projects too. How many books did I never complete? Maybe it's some Art Deco thing or gambling vibe going on. Mind mapping my way to the future. So I clearly remember my Aunt having her kids have the n64. I never really ever wanted to play one but I always had such a good time seeing them play it. It was like a derived some high out of seeing the screens maybe that was because that was when I'd still be wild and occasionally putter off to peer pressure and getting high with friends. But this retail high I have found the secret on before people can lace purchases with traces of cocaine to get achieve that effect of chasing the on going high. I still like my games...

 So back to explaining EG my single stance or revolving around my parents. Hypothetically... (yes I liked white women to get side tracked). What I was saying was the relationships I listened to foreshadowed problems like referencing Middlemarch the British book on relationships not lining up or I attended to higher callings my parents and my brother my countries military my education lots of causes to be noble with. So here is a harsh truth today I heard take it to the limit and paraphrased my own generic version of it "I heed the warnings". So here is a what can happen completely outside of your control she or they can leave you. Your partner can upgrade and leave you just you get abandoned. So yes there was a lesson on racial profiling or white women's elitism or the grand splendor of EG the pure German blondes. But can't we all still assimilate and progress? I am half Korean and feel like I can blend in and pass  as a normal white male in America plus with a modest...

 So back to following the rules again. Here's what happened. In a conversation with my parents I said I wanted to be promiscious but they corrected me and said that's against the rules with the Catholics so I listened. No longer will I seek out sexual progress but I'll still masturbate of course. So back to the fundamentals of the Catholic teachings. Thus sex is for childbirth. How many have I had? I don't know. Let's be thankful for the mothers out there even the surrogates and ones who aren't in direct contact with the sire to the litters. So it's a bit of a relief and burden off my back to think of back to the moral correct way. For example at one point I tried to change to world to be a hero to affect our country and the way women are treated or the moral integrity of our military and our families. I may have gotten confused by the sex work industry but I have rebounded back to the principals of business. I don't have to seek out sex addiction. I don...