how long am i supposed to live

 ok so times questioning my morality looking at for example to compare and contrast jack kerouac and clint eastwood both prolific though kerouac didn't live as long um so with that in mind what'll happen to me how far will i make it

um my health issues being on more meds which further tax my system the side effects too being hungry and the weight i've put on and that as a 'best case scenario' instead of how i saw others basically i think return to duty get out and go back in again

so how much control do i have over this there was when i thought i'd have healthy shakes a lot with vegetables and produce to be healthy but i sort of gave that up or another thing i'll do is walk to my parents for exercise that little bit of cardio a little effort put forth on my part um and later getting meds added to help with that metformin spironolactone lisinipril

when there used to be the regular booze use being an alcoholic and maybe that adding up and taking it's toll on my system um other stuff the times i used to smoke that riskiness um getting older and the meds i sort of have to take to be ok

seeing things i didn't want to do like 'getting sodomized' um when i was picking events for my future doing mind mapping rock and roll hotel black cat 930 club capital one arena those places and then some at the birchmere too that older crowd there

will it be a peaceful early death and leaving my belongings behind to my family getting the money out of my house and possessions



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