'spilling the beans' so to speak basically why i think i can't and won't start a family mostly ever being stigmatized being future oriented being careful

 ok so here's some of my excuses for this my parents needing me and me not abandoning them and believing immediately that that turns bleak (and depressing if i wasn't there but i am and will be) without me around (and me needing them too a mutual symbiosis)(and things they could do to retaliate on me for jumping ship) so that responsibility next my mental health things stemming from that maybe a little inability from that to raise a child (and thinking of old neighbors i remembered thinking this looks sort of like a alone veteran being the image of me for the future) and other issues too like a hypothetical wife cheating on me so more um there's what my complete center and focus is and that being of scrooge my second chance my lawful fearfulness and my police hearsay on being reformed (and i don't think the character has children in the stories i think he's a miserly man whose alone) um there's how many times i failed at starting relationships when i came back from the military dating sites and events neither working quite at all really some maybe stigma with that so there's my passion with my hobbies and that in addition to a odd belief that people around the world have gotten pregnant with me (pennsylvania georgia germany washington dc richmond alexandria maryland front royal) while i was asleep and thus rescued me by continuing on my lineage and blood line

um so the tic for me was seeing a neighbor who lived there longterm and basing that on my future so some of that being like another was details noticed hearing aids service dog sodomy unemployment disability to name a few and that really getting in my head that too being like the only answer and sticking to it so having seen others but too fault finding and pessimism in addition to realism