sometimes what i admired could have too been stigmatized so to speak so a quick write up of a public school boy crush embarrassingly at one point i dressed a little similar it was a band hoody striped polo and shorts outfit

ok so i'm a little forgetful of what my whole unpunctuated paragraphs were (i bulleted a reminder in my phone notes to come back to this but lost all the steam and momentum and maybe my mom was listening when i said things i'd dealt with and compared myself to my colleague he'd come up before when we were talking though she never met him) intended to say but i'll just start off so this passage is about a peer a year older than me i'll dub escobar so um um here's one i thought the guy could have difficulty assimilating like seeing people who still get racist or direct and mean treatment (despite everything seemingly paletted appropriately so the guy was a good dresser and spanish)(i even at one point when i was ready wanted to see about doing a collab on a project with him i was impressed that i saw he did stuff like at young age get tattoos we were still in high school when i saw him come up in the cafeteria in the morning and join us or another was be a motorcyclist and the look of it was tasteful and charming btw my girlfriend at one point dated him too and that was something for her and her family to discuss i guess)(so some fan notes that were cool he liked harry potter and got that on time and it was cool i was there for the series of movies but not the books) and seeing some of myself in escobar at times (though usually doing things different less 27 club and less risky and dangerous or wild and untamed more domesticated and complacent at times hearing people out on suggestions or opinions too) like his romantic delivery of himself (saying movie like lines in regular talk and seriousness paired with attractive or cute originality more like a movie personality and taste for those cult classics donnie darko) um another would be he was in a band and i think i saw them only once it was actually a pretty good performance (though those too can get confusing if it's a waste of energy or being a loser in the crowd different experiences about that) too but i think one part i was going to say was there was a site that used to be around purevolume and they'd have soo many musicians on there but some of it was like from the get go they're a little insulted disrespected dejected um so admiring my ticketed show but maybe seeing where others could ruin that he was into coheed and cambria um i saw them live once and to be a good listener it was a good time but then there's the other side where people can be judgmental or cold and hardened

so i guess a little more um the movie script i hadn't got around to formally composing was maybe going to be him hosting and me compiling clips to record of that (not keeping in touch or being in his circles it was just a guess and thinking his previous exhibitionism would be met well with my journalistic interest to document and share stuff but it didn't work) and too getting some motorcycle shots um otherwise there's a option for a podcast or something but as stated nothing came out of it and there were others who we didn't quite mesh or get together for a project another guy dubbed ric hell