i am ebenezer scrooge or in other words that seems to be the answer to my life not back tracking into trouble just moving on with that as my outlook and somewhat of template for the future

 so having had missed opportunities no marriage (or official kids) or having been 'obsessed' over wealth paying my debts and staying in good standing financially (professionally enhancing my skills) (becoming a stable adult) um so another too there's the miserly way to think of the generic brand or being logical and realistic while too maybe pessimistic predicting trouble and before it gets there having a game plan about that

so the christmas each year i've made movies of them um so there's now i have zero friends (and i don't know why i think some were scared off while i was transitioning into my retirement and dealing with 'mental illness') or how the holiday spirit comes each year 12 months anniversary so not having the generosity due to sound reasoning 'do not repeat the same mistakes twice' so there's moving on along into the future

having been given a second chance at a normal civilian life having gotten the fun of drugs and the next step of breaking the addiction in some ways and additionally getting great american healthcare so not being worried about supporting myself or being involved with and partaking in crime underworlds being polished and poised a respectable aristocrat markers of my success and stature my mortgage my security etc

the way the story is told with the same parts each time so the death of his business partner (comparing that somewhat to my father and this being some what of a catholic tale) someday then the visit from the ghosts of christmas past present and future so times i had it well while others suffered my trip to vcu or other moments georgia ddeamc wtb stuff so currently um not being so charitable up until being concerned at night then lastly the future so not ending up dead over being stubborn in my ways

some of the different versions i've seen the play twice differently in old town once the classic traditional one then the next a focus from tiny tim's perspective so at my parents there was the bill murray one a free british one on youtube there was maybe two or three cartoon versions the charles dickens name and business i think there maybe have been two more vintage reality ones too

well it comforts me to be able to live a longer life and enjoy modest rewards here and there my answer to my determination would be there's no other option and i don't want bad things to happen so i learn from my past issues and progress with new found hope toward decent days of happiness



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