this doesn't make complete sense because of what i have been conditioned to think and thus adjust to being permanently disabled with my medical retirement (the youtube image was just filler not a hard supporting fact)

 the doctor story holes so why would i get a job if i was forcibly medically retired and thus disabled so last time i was doing a job i was hospitalized against my will and further medicated so that flow chart and not wanting to do that then too seeing that other people who got jobs i suspect returned to duty so what was the point of getting out of the military to come back in again that doesn't make sense then why did i have to leave in the first place so that's the deal then stick to it 

i get paid for being mentally ill and thus have to continue that otherwise what i saw happen to others the bad economy so it'd be like the way things work i take my medicine i keep my diagnosis i get my paycheck i go to my appointments and the scares out there people were doing of people who did like the actor clark gable and left the military to return again 

many people are not only unkind to me they go out of their way to embarrass or hurt me in addition to complete strangers calling cops and veterans affairs reps on me the complaints from whomever undeservedly and the unfairness different people getting treated better than me while i am paying cash or however i get poor treatment 

i need my caregiver and the dead ends i've reached no where to get paid and the hours constraint staying within the ssdi rules so the whole va rules i've followed 

so i don't want to stop being treated and thus the loop of getting my injection and too that power over me so these little games being played (being over medicated or under medicated) that don't add up not recovering because of what i saw as the terminal end games on that return to duty and that being ironic and foolish so a back up i said to keep my benefits was being unemployable so how long have i been on my own though i have a business license 

and the pointlessness to the work all the effort to make money only to probably not break even due to taxes or lack of traffic so being under antipsychotics and that routine 

though fortunately it seems as though mental health treatment has greatly improved me not being in patient in a ward unable to get my freedom me being on reasonable doses me having independent living my own house and being able to get around in my car



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