blake uptin

 Where's the espirit de corps anymore? Where's the comradery? So what I was getting at was I start to face the same stigma and maybe get jaded. See complaints and police called on me. Why couldn't I talk to women in public? Why couldn't I do anything else but stay around my parents for both of our best case scenarios? So moving forward why are people always taking cheap shots at me and being just plain unkind? I was old fashioned and thought like the greatest generation. I keep finding out I am wrong. The military personnel can now seem like government workers with their poor reputations. Selfishness obsoletion exclusionary. More times I went against everyone and got thrown under the bus every step of the way. Why can't people interact with me from the military network? Why am I always cast as a foreskin laden rebel fighting a losing battle? See the mental illness and the things people do to veterans. See the leaders being unhelpful or just plain wrong like sexual p...

 So here was an issue. Studying famous references and noting details about married parents lifespans. What can I do for me and my family to live long normal happy lives? It seems if I don't use references then things kept crapping out. So take Rodney Mullen it said his mom died early. Take Steve Ditko it said his parents may have died a little earlier. Then other names like John Holmes having divorced parents. Or take Bill Wyman's dad dying earlier then his mom. What are the options? Trying to stay productive and busy. It said Dickens dad went to a debtors prison. I still can't seem to escape Scrooge. I want my parents married alive free and happy. I want to do what I enjoy for a living and be accountable to them and my bills. The names later had terminal issues that weren't known at first little trivia details much later. What's the best answer? 

 It now dawns on me that Jack Kerouac actually made a lot of sense. So let me begin. I use the VA for my benefits and follow thus rules. Thus I have found at times I can be bored out of my mind. I can't smoke weed and on my meds I can't drink anymore. So what's left? I can jack off occasionally I have video games I have a dog. I live near my parents who are my caregivers. So I can go shopping I can do surveys. But the fun of youth is gone. Maybe I should stay positive and optimistic. I get excitement out of dad hosting his weekly game nights. The party is over. No more freshmen year of college. No more starting AIT in TRADOC. But maybe things are still going along? There's still writing and studying.

 Here's a bit of a memoir. So sometimes later on things can seem to come out or. So in this case here was a story I was remembering. To give you the testimony or play by play. So here was where the story picked up I thought some women in VCU may have had my babies and I was following up with that before someone interrupted me (that was a group who played Nats stadium the interrupters) and kept harassing me and stalking me for years. So to begin from that persons perspective. I was a new kid in town that's an Eagles song. So in the new elementary school I saw a fellow student wearing generic I think pay less shoes and he seemed to be infuriated by me and jealous of me but intrigued and fascinated. Later on I think it came out that EG being from Front Royal and having tough parents I was original and not processed. Around this time I vaguely became aware of terms like social work or other city terms. So he later attached to me and I've always had a maybe French set of mind (m...

Did I under estimate the doctor? The doctor kept telling me a story about using the phone light at night. What I was saying was could I have been possessed? Did I do necromancy? So a story was maybe me and the professor became friends. I heard his wisdom or deals. In the background there were women but I thought I was never ready or I didn't want to end up like my uncle. At the time I was studying Bob Dylan. So where am I now? Studying some Bill Wyman? So am I at a more powerful spot now? Did I get rewarded for the quest I set off upon? Is this culminating with a blowjob for the doctor? Everything people tried ruining at every stop of the way friends the music industry the different organizations the government the school system and so on. Is the witchcraft and voodoo and what not real?

 Is it just me or is the housing bleak in a way? If you're one of the familiar owners then things are complacent or annoying. But if you relocate you find you can't do that still. So what is the answer then? Hearing about VA Beach EG you end up in Norfolk and that's cruddy in it's own way. So staying put and there's the pharisees and philistines making fun extinct. Why can't the housing be vibrant and a good time? Now me in a bedpost town with the show cancelled for now. Is it just not possible to be able to settle down and stay cool? Dreams of other places are stopped by hearing of all the failures who tried. Germany doesn't work neither does Georgia Africa isn't possible Korea would be too difficult and England there's many reasons why it would be hard. So seeing the advantages of being a home owner but too remembering the thrills of manic poverty. Where's the good housing deals? So with staying put forever what's the goal for life anymore?...

 Here were some directions and guidance in life for me. Being self taught. Word of mouth. Junior enlisted brains. Blue collar knowledge. The examples made of people. Listening to the world has faired for me pretty well it seems. So hearing peoples warnings advice and tips. To also research things on my own with what resources I had through the years. To be okay with asking for help. In the Army younger soldiers men and women and trans being able to help me with what I wanted. In high school mil affiliated peers giving their directions or suggestions. The workers barbaric knowledge and crude rough estimates for what I wanted. Others who could've been pseudo crucified before them their lesson from what they did or didn't do. To hear others out. To respect warnings. To know when to stop or when to keep going. To use others experiences to help myself.