Too spirit broken to try. Complaints. People getting big with me. Being antagonized for life. Other successes? Possible children from the past? A writer with passion and priorities? The rosaries. Weekday mass. The move.

 The wild life? The writer? So tuning in. Today's episode.

Referencing Jack Kerouac I published lots of my writing. So seeing parts like the 15 minutes of fame an installment the time off the glory days. So books I wrote?

But staying alive. Thinking Keith Richards could be an example of someone who got rewarded for his dangerous lifestyle or how he got medical help to live so long. Courts and jail. Relocation. So that was thinking he had experts and professionals help take care of him drug dealers scientific tailorings and other peoples monitoring on him.

So a story was thinking I may have actually fathered a fair amount of children. The women dynamics and issues too. So my publications before equating to kids before. So I went to sleep when I was younger and had tons of bodily fluids and blood flow going through me. Boners and semen and opportune times and places. 

Now being older. Less erections from the medicine. Not wanting to get cheated on or divorced. The story of just using the VA and sticking with my parents for as long as I can. Having a VA state worker some day. Being alone? Learned about the term a conservatorship recently. Brian Wilson of the beach boys. Being taken care of. Moderated.

So a story was thinking I was better off with the chance of the mysterious children I had had than trying to start a family. See seeing others made to grovel and waste their time and life trying to hold onto things that seem like they aren't actually that sturdy. So seeing others and getting negative skeptical cynical and spirit broken. But before seeing older men who seemed to have power over me when I was  younger. Now the game has changed. And time just keeps on ticking by getting older.

So if I got with a younger fertile girl. The story where I thought I'd have to groom them up to be domesticated with me. But how many peers antagonizing me for life?  The children of divorce. Apparently blue states having more divorces. So all these people telling me it's not possible and them harassing me and getting away with it.

Past opportunities? Public school instead of private school. The priests paychecks and their stigma and unfavoritism. Not wanting Dead Poets Society Robin Williams suicide for my dad or mom. Being affordable. So someday getting to Christmas Carol instead. Charles Dickens? 

So helping my parents still. Looks like it'll actually be Harpers Ferry.

So thoughts? Paranoid I may have gotten exposed to HIV. Have been tested didn't show positive. Was going to get tested again to confirm again. Thought men from the past attacked me in my sleep. My older brother my cousin my uncle. A common thread people who've been incarcerated. Not sure if it was just my injections making me so sluggish and worn out in addition to my diagnosis schizoaffective sluggish schizophrenia bipolar disorder. Out of whack sleep schedule. Purple under my eyes. So getting anally assaulted in my sleep. Equating that to how Jack Kerouac died early thinking the story he got in a bar fight could've been political correct editor terms. His gay friend Ginsberg being exposed to that if someone attacked him in his sleep and his immune system got weakened.

My novel? So West Virginia. The move. New bed. The style of that. Packed up. Waiting on the movers. Countdown to move out. Selling my house. Haircut today. Spanberger in Virginia. Will there be a draft in the future thinking the next president will decide that. Monthly injections.



Background stories? Loyalty to past women? The story with Norman Rockwell. Getting with an older woman. But losing some works and problems. The story with the master copy. Unedited. Raw text. The actual version. Projects I released. References and rewards I had. The writers crown. The artists fatherhood. The accountability. The children.


The women cheat on their men. The women will leave their man for an upgrade. The women could be troublesome? Because I missed the opportunity and can't really go back.


Stigma? Cock blockers? Spirit broken? Laziness? Complacency? Harassment?

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