Some of these Catholics if I remember they had divorced parents. See the hole in the story there? Quit bothering me or going through others to bother me. This was how I saved my parents.

 There was a lot more to my stories than the famous references releases. Catcher in the Rye? So here was it. Shorthand? A quick angle that may have been left out on a first draft. Also am I more of the real thing than the other phonies? I mean before the Mandela Effect Muslims and Indians and others ruined it the Government.

So at one point my parents talked about putting me in private school Bishop Ireton. I turned them down. I insisted on staying in public school. I thought the money was out of reach and I had to do what I had to help fix our lives from there. I swore all these projects I was working on were going to come to fruition someday. Dreams like being a movie star. Making that much money. Aspirations. So I thought with the private school that would be the Dead Poets Society Robin Williams suicide trajectory. A loving father maybe abused? I thought about how much money we had. I don't care if none of them will be my  friend to this day. I don't care if they want to get in my blindspots and try to hurt my innocent feelings. I cared about my mom and dad.

Yeah I could do what ever with all of them but I didn't want my dad or mom to kill themselves. Also as far as vulgar or upsetting offensive stories from their alumnus well I've had my fair share and seen enough too. Also a mentor from me was my grand aunt and her hippy dippy stuff so some of that was like being able to read and identify with Keith Richards as a modern hero. I've been jailed hospitalized uncircumcised martyred etc. But I've also had my own victories.

So what happened was Christmas Carol with Scrooge later arrived and seemed to basically solve everything. Being miserly being a business man being a drop out too? Being charitable. Maybe that was a gift from the English department.

So some of the BI thing was maybe a little bit like getting abducted. I say that because another faction that started to open up for me that I turned down was the County RECenter. I didn't get the job because I wouldn't abandon my family. Also I did get sucked into the Republican party a bit before that and they the RECenter were left wing democrat extremists (rather are not were). Control freaks too. I was and am loyal to the right wing conservatives and my parents. Bush Mccain Romney Trump even a write in for my parents when I was given the call to take the fall on the vote.

 So I listened to EG the Senator of Iowa's insights about life and getting to where I wanted to be. My childhood friend with divorced parents his grand dad is the senator of Iowa. I respected his title and his wisdom. Still do. So what I did was join the US Army and continue down a path of resolving all my issues. I'd get pointers or tips about things that I couldn't really argue or stop so rather than fight it I listened and adjusted myself. I now have my military retirement paycheck (and benefits) and my social security disability paycheck.

Now I remember one little point on it. So what if I graduated? What if I left the Army as an officer instead? But I didn't and there could've been other issues incurred along the way for that again dead parents or financial insecurity or marital drama. Hypothetically the public school showed me I should be like F Scott Fitzgerald in the Great Gatbsy I think he returns to an old flame and does that until later I heard she got committed to a mental asylum. So what I was saying was what if I could've made more money. So I believe I heard with social security disability there are different grades of pay scales on it. So what if I had a higher pay grade? However what if by doing near the bare minimum I got the best deal I could? I am free as a bird now. What if that just was the great offer I accepted? I left a E4 and having had various minimum wage jobs before I paid taxes on. Am I a writer now? Did all my dreams come true? And to be honest E4 is a massive upgrade from E0 or E123.

My parents are alive and I brace for these next days ahead. Maybe battling a porn addiction waiting on the subscriptions to end. What else? Moving into the basement again. Helping with the mortgage. Saying my television is broken no entertainment anymore really works. Catching up? Nosey people and tabs on me anyway. Annoying muslims? Annoying indians and middle easterners? Which faction bothering me? The government the school system etc.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

some thoughts on religion and money

Image
 so i did see that the father in the catholic church can be a massive power like if you think oh i have to pay for every song and show up different answers about that and not going to how you got to that so a different choice and two another option hmm thinking other people could be a father figure so there was dr machmer and another robbie t so that being maybe single male power whether that's like the melting pot restaurant regularity or the africa peace corps money different things going on on that so gamblers making sense of anything the water essence from owners  another so there's the it was oh the bob dylan story so that being like like keith that falling under spells (heroine guitar hobo legend um) someone whose like this not possible figure and maybe that groups tricks on it when i ignorantly was fascinated with the jewish community (thinking things like world wars holocaust) so explaining it some um the term i told taking back sunday in a comment was like a dalai lam...
Read more

I sold out for a paycheck. Now I can't break rules like smoking weed anymore. Thus things can be bland at times. So from here what is there? Days with my parents and dog. The pool shopping overnighting. Hello benefits and improvements.

Image
 It now dawns on me that Jack Kerouac actually made a lot of sense. So let me begin. I use the VA for my benefits and follow thus rules. Thus I have found at times I can be bored out of my mind. I can't smoke weed and on my meds I can't drink anymore. So what's left? I can jack off occasionally I have video games I have a dog. I live near my parents who are my caregivers. So I can go shopping I can do surveys. But the fun of youth is gone. Maybe I should stay positive and optimistic. I get excitement out of dad hosting his weekly game nights. The party is over. No more freshmen year of college. No more starting AIT in TRADOC. But maybe things are still going along? There's still writing and studying.
Read more

Was I a fool to not try to have more sex overseas? Is sex just not plain possible with married parents see the priest extorting us. Am I perpetually alone was that what I wanted? Being confused about what to do having my projects shut down as of now.

Image
Was what i actually wanted to do be sexually active? But going back when that stuff was available there were always issues like housing income passion (even family obligations) etc. Another part would be in general the issues with logistics see the men with power over the women cutting me off like the government the school system the military the work force etc (complaints and police). So was I the whole time actually just trying to be promiscuous (but how many times did the references on that stop doing what they wanted like David Bowie or Anthony Kiedis EG)? I didn't know sex work and still haven't learned that much. For example prostitution is illegal. So I have tried the paid pornography and that seemed to show normal sexually active males. I remember when I was pursuing the music along the way people would confuse me or play devil's advocate bringing up the sex industries as opposed to the successes with eg guitar or literature. A story I actually remember was I went t...
Read more