I was quite run down for a while. So these days? Lancaster PA vacations and business trips. Being like McCartney living off royalties? Improvements in my modern life? The current path. Parents and family. Office cleanings.

 Where do I stand now? Well one maybe positive fantasy for me was being a little bit like McCartney. See him having Superbowl seats. See him no longer in the lime light anymore. So some of that was like me vouging that I got paid very well for EG masturbation. Now I can't do it as much as when I was 18 unmedicated. Still do occasionally but clearly times have changed. So that whole story rewards I got or openings for someone else now? Women getting their rocks off mutual masturbation. So some of that too was like for hypothetical spawns of me their livelihood and best lives. See the children of celebrities? Second generation celebrities? Retarded charm? Being loved?

So what could I do? See parts I adjusted my trajectory. I could've been like Irvine Welsh the heroine user writer. But instead I never did heroine. Or keeping my family in my heart and mind. Thinking of Obama's promises would those ever come true? Healthcare? Retirement? So doing the right thing and being pure at heart. Things I paved the way for for others. Drug users freedom sex workers regulation?

Never forcing anything. Never making others uncomfortable or feeling guilty. Doing the best I could. Listening to advice and suggestions. For years getting help from others experiences and wisdom. At the restaurant this morning remembering being a host at 19. That classical job and the 20th century. Old heads. James Joyce the writer who did Dubliners. Embarrassment and toughness or gliding along on the edge of my seat thrillers and adrenaline. Hidden cams?

So being successful? Good shoes on my feet. My dog taken care of and getting older. Me with cable tv. Going on trips with my parents. Dad's gaming conventions. Making little films about those. Insurance VA appointments. No conspiracies instead loyalty and honor.

Aging gracefully? New improvements? Rosaries with my parents. Rosaries at the church with the priest. Home ownership. Car maintenance. Commuting and overnighting. Guarding mom. Being in the background? Things I learned being older. Things I learned listening to my parents. Never divorced. Single?

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