Was I better off not going to the nightlife after all? What did I really get from it? I thought I just got isolated and stigmatized. Was that just a part of earning my stripes in that industry? Would I have been better off elsewhere like with the sex workers instead? I don't think I am going back anytime soon.

 Was the nightlife a complete waste of time? What did I even get out of it? I didn't get to perform. My rapport I was trying to build seemed to be non existent?

I was neither gay nor jewish and didn't fit in as people said from the beginning. I didn't get to go get laid every night with different women. In fact I basically got stigmatized and isolated the whole time drinking by myself. Is that just the way it is?

All I have to show for it now is maybe some hearing damage? Well I did document some of it. Were those lessons about that stuff? How many references do I now have that I saw in person?

Was that a successful thing to do? Would that sacrifice pay of EG post humanously with my own publishings? Did that validate my works after all? Or was it just drain and waste of life over nothing?



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