Now I don't have to stress making music over my future and well being. Was that just reality? No other choice? So in some ways I missed out on lots more ass by being safe moral and having integrity. Was all that effort in vain?

 I apparently may have had the rock and roll delusion. That was a lot of time and energy wasted. What was the point of it even? Did I get anything out of it?

So I believed my ticket home was by making albums when I went AWOL. I believed if I didn't do that I could've been at risk for terrible things like HIV or amputee. I produced it myself and was proud of my integrity with my product. It wasn't an easy task pulling it off.

So I didn't really get to have sex with groupies. I didn't really get to perform very much. My album was made and shared for free. But at the time I tried to do everything the right way.

I thought I was like John Lennon. This was before I learned more trivia about him that seemed to ruin the story EG his mom's early death. Maybe I did win? After all maybe that helped me get medically retired which got me my paychecks.



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