I won at getting paid making it and surviving but failed at settling down with past women because I was stressing my future and livelihood. It is possible I had kids and possible I didn't. From here on I lean on my parents who are married and the VA for support. I am alive and getting paid.

 The kids of mine women may have had may either be half siblings adopted or never happened. Moving forward I am stuck in my ways for being cynical and objective about the previous relationships and current offers. This may have happened because when opportunities were there I was more focused on my future and business. I have accepted my fate by being in reality and within my constraints.

I am doing the best I can. Seeing my brother who I suspect is my half brother I can only imagine how bad my offspring have it. Could they be exposed to tattoos or not having a father or substance abuse or being uneducated? To stay positive out of the times this may have happened maybe at least one of them has done okay. BTW I thought each individual occurrence was covered by what I was doing and my accountability and professionalism.

I don't want to raise someone elses kid or be cheated on. I tried when things were there to do what I was supposed to like immediately paying off my student loan. I could use Scrooge as a reference where from my POV I had no other chance or choice really. I didn't want to get barred or have other painful consequences happen and thus was oddly busy and hard working while both unemployed and disabled.

To the baby mama's I believe I'll never officially hear back. I believe however I hear back all the time indirectly. Momentoes at the store can go back to specific women peaches Georgia Disney my Aunt sauerkraut Germany concessions VCU and the list goes on. Staying positive I believe the Catholic church will take care of me but also potentially condemn me to purgatory or hell.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I sold out for a paycheck. Now I can't break rules like smoking weed anymore. Thus things can be bland at times. So from here what is there? Days with my parents and dog. The pool shopping overnighting. Hello benefits and improvements.

Image
 It now dawns on me that Jack Kerouac actually made a lot of sense. So let me begin. I use the VA for my benefits and follow thus rules. Thus I have found at times I can be bored out of my mind. I can't smoke weed and on my meds I can't drink anymore. So what's left? I can jack off occasionally I have video games I have a dog. I live near my parents who are my caregivers. So I can go shopping I can do surveys. But the fun of youth is gone. Maybe I should stay positive and optimistic. I get excitement out of dad hosting his weekly game nights. The party is over. No more freshmen year of college. No more starting AIT in TRADOC. But maybe things are still going along? There's still writing and studying.
Read more

Can someone help with an answer to this scenario? Is this feasible? Should I invest my energy in something else instead? Was instead I meant to have a guitar legacy? Was I tricked and niave? It seems like countless others get away with this and do it the wrong way.

 Ok let me explain. I don't want complaints or to get kicked out or to have the police called on me all of which have happened before and I don't think I always deserved that. So moving on. I will censor this to avoid setting off admins my intent was not to be offensive or hurtful. Starting off explaining some of this goal in mind was EG I was basically sent to the German brothel. Another was growing up I'd always see these males who were successful with multiple women (before finding out about deal breaker trivia about them) like Jerry Seinfeld John Lennon (Beatles but there's tribute groups as a loophole) Anthony Kiedis (RHCP) the Entourage show Californication or the adult content on the internet those free videos and samplers during my teens. Another jargon on this was logistics things not lining up for reasons like adultery or there were issues in my life I have had resolved somewhat like getting out of debt or having a paycheck. I was a new kid in a town and thing...
Read more

Was I a fool to not try to have more sex overseas? Is sex just not plain possible with married parents see the priest extorting us. Am I perpetually alone was that what I wanted? Being confused about what to do having my projects shut down as of now.

Image
Was what i actually wanted to do be sexually active? But going back when that stuff was available there were always issues like housing income passion (even family obligations) etc. Another part would be in general the issues with logistics see the men with power over the women cutting me off like the government the school system the military the work force etc (complaints and police). So was I the whole time actually just trying to be promiscuous (but how many times did the references on that stop doing what they wanted like David Bowie or Anthony Kiedis EG)? I didn't know sex work and still haven't learned that much. For example prostitution is illegal. So I have tried the paid pornography and that seemed to show normal sexually active males. I remember when I was pursuing the music along the way people would confuse me or play devil's advocate bringing up the sex industries as opposed to the successes with eg guitar or literature. A story I actually remember was I went t...
Read more