no friends why um a story was you can't walk to the neighbors house any more knock on the door and start to play with the days of youth they'd ignore you or call the cops so building up from nothing earlier a can of soda

 so some of this i think was after having been to jail everyone permanently xing me of their list (and as stated similarities with that story and the writer i read some of henry miller) so another was the hospitalizations that stigma that goes with disability too as a pay source more reasons um being off my antipsychotics (one story was running and thinking of mick jagger) and people being unkind to me so also it'd be different leaders ahole tactics for me other peoples bosses or other families mostly just about everyone being mean to me forever

so who'd ever give me a chance and then other parts i missed out on to join the military um also the tabs from that being another nix for everyone (veterans affairs appointments) um so the glory of having wrote my book eventually (and my way before it was garbaged) so being right and original and being intentionally misunderstood and stranded from that um many horrible people out there ready immediately so anyone i ever knew gone lost with the past moving forward the bright days of fun and personal hobbies

all the many insults hurled anonymously and double talk laden gossip so i have a paycheck now i am a home owner i have a car but still somewhat off course like when i mentioned interest with being an expat to leave for somewhere else my current adventure in page county so the human cruelty for being true the many to exclude and minimize so to be alone with a dog and my parents as more is accumulated and published 

um what do i need now um a new start seeing the old is gone and impossible to resurrect so moving on um everything my way and with my own effort so the miasma of text the swirls of writing so seeing whose out there the aunts i have and those circles or the unknown having gotten jaded from reality so many living complacent unfree unbohemian days of living on this planet 

as the days go on um coldened to myself as i support my own way with groceries bills paid um little recognition a recent mention from the town so having my own independence the life to my own documentation the different recordings um being aware of the real scares of healthcare but not much else can be done about that 

what happened from before and after i used to be even somewhat included but now that time is disappeared um i told the truth mostly so the persecution for me the public opinion and the nay sayers the enemies the nutcases the governments the workers all the old ones no longer responsive so me with my little voice going forward into tomorrow as my mom and dad stay busy with the family business um the power of the voters the different representatives so as it all fades along more is along the way to the hell and heaven of this earth 



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