getting rejuvenated so a friends support should i quit versus the adventure having been deprived and building up from there before breaking out of inadequence or is it wiser to fold and reap my guarantees just roll over

tricked me once and how that ended um cleared owed scenario and back to nuclear family um but all the things that were done the books the pictures photographs um maybe that back to just go to my appointments and the rest of the time um when i got uplifted from dnd 5e figures i guess stigma being misunderstood even intentionally um being ahead of my time 

 so i remembered the professor who i was enamored with this being i made it all the way to pure mania the joys of poverty but i didn't change my value so now it's this can i bounce back can i do my own thing despite the police powers so that being for example tonight a movie (mom said no and i think that happened with this particular movie before and then not getting sucked into customer waves bars venues retail other money gone on maybe charity) all those things building momentum with the writers profession each little hobby and the wild freedom i think another was at one point the professor said i was a good writer and that being something but it was to not quit to face a noble cause to persevere to be resilient to not be complacent so what of the future then when i had that memory of richmond while on academic suspension the crazy life walk to liquor parties scribble jotted down notebooks being 18 and 19 in my own life typing files of the great greatest american novel ever muse on singers like dylan with youtube then but was i a fool a idiot for this saintly life i think i was coached to write better then him but then afterwards immediately seeing different parts salary power education position mortgage (some things i had achieved though) lots of those as opposed to a poet with imagination a stomach a appetite for life

could i move overseas or to europe could i continue producing could i mostly somewhat most importantly keep my benefits the counter story of the county neighbors whom had been there for what seemed like ages california other outbursts of independence originality though the system

so the huge henry miller studying and possession to be like the heroes i had the counter of being a family man miser and focused on a mission instead of well maybe my excuse would be the healthcare i'd have to have my injections and thus follow va benefits rules and i don't know how rampant that is in some of these environments france germany england not pulling out and abandoning my family and what capacity by myself i could do what ever i had done when i thought it was mindmapping the rest of my life from the decade of bar music

when i heard i had a gift but then those with what the lesson was with reality not repeating the same mistakes twice and being stranded so that story poverty into military and then out of military again not doing that loop again to be stupid to be a moron to be a dolt to be dumb those difficulties incurred 

so on going parts not turning into trautmann and burnette not losing my benefits not having bad things happen to my family (old folks home) um then it's the dreams of hobbies and that versus the police power and censorship the otherside the heroes i had homeowners where i used to live bucknell some of the basic goals to be alone as a hermit with a property and coasting 

so the stories i'd fall for the henry miller or other names too my projects i did carving out my own pathway my own chapter my own story my own even generic lines of content even though the sort of pseudo hostage political prisoner spot um