i like being manic but was some of that drug related and later what's feasible like my portfolio and trajectory of my housing and freedom

 one of my favorite times in some ways was where i was mentally (i'd think of jumpstarting some million dollar artistic productions) when i was at an apartment in richmond the second one with the fire escape (i got to be free and play) so that other side being there were a lot of things i didn't like i was very hungry i was very poor i was in debt and maybe some spots being risky like being straight but seeing how women can be potentially trouble (some of the influenced music videos i noted some exaggerated domestic violence) so i had a roommate stephen who was with the artschool thinking of all the things i was going to do it was like some high or state of craze to turn all those drunk parties or smoke outs into something or maybe it was derived from the previous smoking drinking partying so maybe it was unnatural as opposed to today i have my portfolios i contribute to the writing samples i've done the static documentary parts and constraints to that too like my budget or avoiding complaints maybe that's what it actually was cocaine and other drugs being drunk and young adult freedom the experience of leaving the nest 

it was when things were ending getting put to the mil for shaved head haircuts and some guidance 

my teeth were bad then but they weren't as bad as others once as a kid i got i think two root canals but there were probably some cavities 

so recently while setting my trajectory (thinking i don't want to die early mentioned to the cleaners what i heard happened to the guy from the fast and the furious paul or when i mind mapped like seeing the rolling stones live from a maybe $150 dollar ticket maybe before the redskins changed names too) here was some data i noticed some people with longterm housing (some identifiers alcoholic outcast single) near the fort belvoir (bucknell where strangely i saw a new story that a homeless shelter is being built nearby) um noting details like pseudo unemployment (and social work dead ends) or pay sources (retirement disability and having a fiduciary or a caregiver too) um so the guarantee and trying to follow all the rules (hearing of police powers) then the other side i see is one part being the dead celebs to pay and those being encouraging like dmx (think he overdosed in recent years and had his freedom throughout and lots of projects) and what he provides from using that like elvis or jack kerouac (the dead end of how far you'll live to and produce) um so the vibrant side instead of the sort of institutionalized side (the stateworkers monitoring or the psychiatry and aging) like thinking of like mathematics too like tom petty and how truthful is that bio like the breakdown of inputs but then too the va as the source

so trying to like pinpoint what it was that was so exciting and inebriating um being in the campus being with colleagues the whole rush the cigarettes buzz the impossible dreams stopped and directed to a mil training it as my circumstances being placed where i could dream and live wild

did i have that going in germany (remember the teletones ghost lovin') or was henry miller a good name currently to stew upon  


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