so much heart

 hot dogs from the capital

hate from the high above

angels of this nation

strength and substance

dependency and despondency

cities of bullshit

where's my heart

where's my history

the badge

the fight for my right

please don't ied me bro

thank god

thank god 

superstition

best friends

tough jobs 

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I sold out for a paycheck. Now I can't break rules like smoking weed anymore. Thus things can be bland at times. So from here what is there? Days with my parents and dog. The pool shopping overnighting. Hello benefits and improvements.

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 It now dawns on me that Jack Kerouac actually made a lot of sense. So let me begin. I use the VA for my benefits and follow thus rules. Thus I have found at times I can be bored out of my mind. I can't smoke weed and on my meds I can't drink anymore. So what's left? I can jack off occasionally I have video games I have a dog. I live near my parents who are my caregivers. So I can go shopping I can do surveys. But the fun of youth is gone. Maybe I should stay positive and optimistic. I get excitement out of dad hosting his weekly game nights. The party is over. No more freshmen year of college. No more starting AIT in TRADOC. But maybe things are still going along? There's still writing and studying.
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Can someone help with an answer to this scenario? Is this feasible? Should I invest my energy in something else instead? Was instead I meant to have a guitar legacy? Was I tricked and niave? It seems like countless others get away with this and do it the wrong way.

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