i wanted that

 books stored

inside mind & heart

the devil

gambling & drinking

childhood movie

losing & winning

and not even trying

history

and my explanation

a pair of parents

caring & devoted

my choices

and nerds foresight

giggling to think

of the time

i had a premonition

i was going to die

support & fringe & flare

kicked out of favorite bar

jukebox where i felt

like i was wiring money to

a country i could have

been stranded in

dreaming through the years

to find my place at home

to envy and adore

famous musicians and fascinate

with los angeles glamor of movie

a country

separated

divided

where to spend next travel

seeping in 

in florida

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Can someone help with an answer to this scenario? Is this feasible? Should I invest my energy in something else instead? Was instead I meant to have a guitar legacy? Was I tricked and niave? It seems like countless others get away with this and do it the wrong way.

Was this actually to my niave innocent ignorance a extremely stupid idea?

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