different me's what do i sees

 childhood youth teens and so on

tv inspired

believed in movies

wishes and chances

dodging short sighted goals

reliving my lifespan

captivating entertainers

my soul held hostage 

to a song of hope

smiling

seriously wanting more

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Can someone help with an answer to this scenario? Is this feasible? Should I invest my energy in something else instead? Was instead I meant to have a guitar legacy? Was I tricked and niave? It seems like countless others get away with this and do it the wrong way.

 Ok let me explain. I don't want complaints or to get kicked out or to have the police called on me all of which have happened before and I don't think I always deserved that. So moving on. I will censor this to avoid setting off admins my intent was not to be offensive or hurtful. Starting off explaining some of this goal in mind was EG I was basically sent to the German brothel. Another was growing up I'd always see these males who were successful with multiple women (before finding out about deal breaker trivia about them) like Jerry Seinfeld John Lennon (Beatles but there's tribute groups as a loophole) Anthony Kiedis (RHCP) the Entourage show Californication or the adult content on the internet those free videos and samplers during my teens. Another jargon on this was logistics things not lining up for reasons like adultery or there were issues in my life I have had resolved somewhat like getting out of debt or having a paycheck. I was a new kid in a town and thing...
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Was this actually to my niave innocent ignorance a extremely stupid idea?

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 I'll tell you my story on this one. I got stationed overseas. My unit and I were about to deploy to Afghanistan. I was in debt from my student loan and reclassed from my MOS with my bonus. My peers basically told me I was going to become an amputee very shortly. (there's also a little bit of similarity to this and the Adam Driver story too). My unit covered down for me and basically asked what I'd be okay with. I basically got instructed to go AWOL (previously I saved up all my money to pay off my loan with by only eating at the DFAC chow hall) and I did. I first bought a guitar and then used my savings on hotels. Previously another trivia bit was there was a ad in Ft Gordon for Smart Piggy and it said there were high interest rates I had some money in there before cashing out. So while AWOL I recorded what happened to be about the exact amount of a vinyl record in addition to other extra recordings for another album. I was very proud of this album but maybe now much later...
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some of my quotes i remembered compiled extracted from fb (that doesn't work)

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