blake uptin

Was what i actually wanted to do be sexually active? But going back when that stuff was available there were always issues like housing income passion (even family obligations) etc. Another part would be in general the issues with logistics see the men with power over the women cutting me off like the government the school system the military the work force etc (complaints and police). So was I the whole time actually just trying to be promiscuous (but how many times did the references on that stop doing what they wanted like David Bowie or Anthony Kiedis EG)? I didn't know sex work and still haven't learned that much. For example prostitution is illegal. So I have tried the paid pornography and that seemed to show normal sexually active males. I remember when I was pursuing the music along the way people would confuse me or play devil's advocate bringing up the sex industries as opposed to the successes with eg guitar or literature. A story I actually remember was I went t...

 Here's another one. Like that except. Similar to that but not that. How many times has there been some later trivia reveal that ruins someones work? I feel like to err on the side of caution I don't further go into ones that have problems I don't like. Does that stigmatize them? It seems like bad things could happen if I thus continued that. A major disabled writer was Philip K Dick but I don't like that his parents divorced. I liked Allen Ginsberg and the beatniks but I am not homosexual. Can you modify the source material without the problems? I liked the Catcher and the Rye and what it stood for but I don't want to be a total recluse. Then certain dynamics can be honed in on and turned up. I wanted to see if sex was accessible but EG I don't like that Manuel Ferrara's dad is dead. How many time is there a really entertaining thing that has some detail that sort of spoils the whole thing? Take the music how easy is it to keep skipping songs because of som...

 Where's the espirit de corps anymore? Where's the comradery? So what I was getting at was I start to face the same stigma and maybe get jaded. See complaints and police called one me. Why couldn't I talk to women in public? Why couldn't I do anything else but stay around my parents for both of our best case scenarios? So moving forward why are people always taking cheap shots at me and being just plain unkind? I was old fashioned and thought like the greatest generation. I keep finding out I am wrong. The military personnel can now seem like government workers with their poor reputations. Selfishness obsoletion exclusionary. More times I went against everyone and got thrown under the bus every step of the way. Why can't people interact with me from the military network? Why am I always cast as a foreskin laden rebel fighting a losing battle? See the mental illness and the things people do to veterans. See the leaders being unhelpful or just plain wrong like sexual ...

 So here was an issue. Studying famous references and noting details about married parents lifespans. What can I do for me and my family to live long normal happy lives? It seems if I don't use references then things kept crapping out. So take Rodney Mullen it said his mom died early. Take Steve Ditko it said his parents may have died a little earlier. Then other names like John Holmes having divorced parents. Or take Bill Wyman's dad dying earlier then his mom. What are the options? Trying to stay productive and busy. It said Dickens dad went to a debtors prison. I still can't seem to escape Scrooge. I want my parents married alive free and happy. I want to do what I enjoy for a living and be accountable to them and my bills. The names later had terminal issues that weren't known at first little trivia details much later. What's the best answer? 

 It now dawns on me that Jack Kerouac actually made a lot of sense. So let me begin. I use the VA for my benefits and follow thus rules. Thus I have found at times I can be bored out of my mind. I can't smoke weed and on my meds I can't drink anymore. So what's left? I can jack off occasionally I have video games I have a dog. I live near my parents who are my caregivers. So I can go shopping I can do surveys. But the fun of youth is gone. Maybe I should stay positive and optimistic. I get excitement out of dad hosting his weekly game nights. The party is over. No more freshmen year of college. No more starting AIT in TRADOC. But maybe things are still going along? There's still writing and studying.

 Here's a bit of a memoir. So sometimes later on things can seem to come out or. So in this case here was a story I was remembering. To give you the testimony or play by play. So here was where the story picked up I thought some women in VCU may have had my babies and I was following up with that before someone interrupted me (that was a group who played Nats stadium the interrupters) and kept harassing me and stalking me for years. So to begin from that persons perspective. I was a new kid in town that's an Eagles song. So in the new elementary school I saw a fellow student wearing generic I think pay less shoes and he seemed to be infuriated by me and jealous of me but intrigued and fascinated. Later on I think it came out that EG being from Front Royal and having tough parents I was original and not processed. Around this time I vaguely became aware of terms like social work or other city terms. So he later attached to me and I've always had a maybe French set of mind (m...