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The whole community from the government to the church is corrupt. There's nothing we can do about it because they already figured out how to make your efforts pointless. Then additionally there's maxims that can't be broken like education (even if it's lies) that are in place to stop any actual progress or change from occurring. Evil leaders forever.

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 It's all corrupt as it always has been. The owners have already conspired on what they can get away with. The priests and church are evil and adulterous. No one says anything because of EG Sinead O'Conor. You get punished for doing what you are supposed to. The bad guys always get off. The good guys get martyred. You just get told you're crazy and isolated if you do the right thing. Your peers will have to have sex with the faculty in order to graduate. You don't get anything. Then they figure out all the games to play with you all along the way. They are in power and no one has any guts to do anything about it in addition to they already figured out how to stop you from doing anything about it. That's life. The bad guys always win. Epstein got away with it and so did Diddy and Petraeus Clinton and Trump and the list goes on. So just get online and masturbate to the overlord dictator government porn scenarios while we have nothing?
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I have no skills? I have paychecks. Look at you full of lies and adultery. Why did my life's work get canceled? I was putting on a good show and at an even better price. Why do so many people hate me? Look we're gonna have to work on a peaceful delightful way of life for all of us. Got it?

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 Why am I always being outcast? Did the same thing happen to Keith Richards because he's uncircumcised? In the industry why did I get nowhere? I was brilliant seriously. But did I have my slight little improvements? Running car relocated house same dog parents alive and married free American drugs. The list goes on. Why do you hate me? What have I done? All I did was what I was supposed to for my entire life. But you you had to antagonize me the entire way. What for it didn't do anything but put a bad mood in the air. Why wouldn't the night clubs let me play? Why wouldn't the white women let me hit it doggystyle? Why couldn't I have freedom? Maybe this is because we all like being an ahole.
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The US Army was fun. My DSGTs trained me on basic soldier tasks and got me prepped for advanced individual training school AIT. In the Army I got to see more of the world like Maryland South Carolina and Deustchland. I made my parents proud with my military service.

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 I got off drugs and went into the US Army. I got to go to coed basic training. My DSGTs were charming and helpful. They rolled out the red carpet for me. In the Army I got to get good meals and good exercise. I became uniform and assimilated more with my country. I learned and demonstrated the Army Values LDRSHIP (loyalty duty selfless service honor integrity personal courage). I got to get my military benefits that I kept. I got to get medically discharged and retired. I get to go to Fort Belvoir for shopping with mom. TRADOC was fun and I graduated both my AIT's. My life was rescued from the military in some ways. I got to hang out with the soldiers. I got to live in the barracks. I got into my units. I made it home alive and well and still use the VA for free healthcare.
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My opportunity cost I chose to focus my time on coeds and drug deliveries and getting high instead of being in the classroom. Was favoring the women's insights actually smarter for what I wanted? All I really wanted was to be promiscuous (unless I could start a family and not get divorced) it seems and have non negotiables kept like keeping my parents married and happy.

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 In my VCU years I chose to 1 sleep with coeds instead of going to class and 2 listen to women more than men. Were these women actually genius? How many times did women give me good advice and lectures? So anonymously I'd hear warnings of things to come. One was if I did it the wrong way I'd never be able to do it again. So for a lot of my life I have been made a fool of for trying to do things the right way. See trying to meet women at the nightclubs. Would the women have power to I didn't know of? Could they poison off enemies? Could they reward me for my good behaviors? Was this even colonial like slaves they way the women would get treated? So in some ways though was I no better? Or was that getting coached on getting the best possible outcomes? I suspect my teachers even gave me nods that basically had fertile women do the rest from there. Wasn't that a good deal?
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Someone was watching what I did I think. I can't really go back but maybe I should cherish what I did get to do and keep that line open. But what was the point of Germany? I didn't go on a complete sex tourism vacation. Were my babies born?

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 What was the point of Germany? So many confusions. So was it to go on sex vacation? Or was it to under my busy life father some children? Now it seems like I don't quite get the rewards for what I did. I don't necessarily get advantages with blonde women. Then I see racists often. Was the best possible answer the Don Quixote choice I made? To honor women and fight nobly for lost causes? There prostitution is legal. Should I savor how much I did actually get? Was that a sacrifice for my country? Did I hold myself to a higher standard and actually accomplish anything? I made it home ok and maybe improved my life. Is racial profiling apart of the answer for everyone to accept white women being the favorites to the point of them being gamed?
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Why sometimes does my money not even do anything? What is the point of even buying a copy? And if I don't is that another problem on the way? What can be done? Is charity going to be the winner on this? Why even buy the product after all?

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 What is the point of even buying anything? It doesn't do anything. It just sits there and doesn't even get used. And then the threats and mind games other wise. Wouldn't I have been better off with my money instead? Then the bank fees that make you lose money without spending it. See these frustrating loops? Your selling me nothing. When I have the money it doesn't even do anything. When I save up it doesn't even register. The product doesn't make it to me. Is it buying the rights? Am I just ignorant? Am I just an idiot? Am I just not poor enough to realize how wealthy I actually am? Or is there no point in buying these things?
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Was I better off not going to the nightlife after all? What did I really get from it? I thought I just got isolated and stigmatized. Was that just a part of earning my stripes in that industry? Would I have been better off elsewhere like with the sex workers instead? I don't think I am going back anytime soon.

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 Was the nightlife a complete waste of time? What did I even get out of it? I didn't get to perform. My rapport I was trying to build seemed to be non existent? I was neither gay nor jewish and didn't fit in as people said from the beginning. I didn't get to go get laid every night with different women. In fact I basically got stigmatized and isolated the whole time drinking by myself. Is that just the way it is? All I have to show for it now is maybe some hearing damage? Well I did document some of it. Were those lessons about that stuff? How many references do I now have that I saw in person? Was that a successful thing to do? Would that sacrifice pay of EG post humanously with my own publishings? Did that validate my works after all? Or was it just drain and waste of life over nothing?
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